poems by the shore

i4

jisung sits up quickly. for a moment, he thinks hyunjin left but then reminds himself the boy could be washing up in the bathroom. he waits in bed for hyunjin to come back. he waits and listens for footsteps.

he doesn't hear any.

his phone buzzes on his table and he checks, a bit worried now. it's felix.

he answers.

"hey! you're coming home tomorrow, right?" his freckled friend beams through the phone. jisung nods, saying he's going to pack today.

felix frowns. "you don't sound too excited to see me again. what's wrong?"

jisung can't get his mind to stop. what if hyunjin had lied? what if he really didn't like him back and he just didn't want jisung to feel bad about his confession? what if.. everything was just a dream?

"hey, felix?"

"yeah?"

"do you," he pauses. he's not sure if he'll sound crazy for asking, but he has to know. "do you remember that guy i told you about?"

felix scoffs and chuckles. "your lover boy? the guy you hung out with this whole week?"

jisung nods.

"yeah, i remember. why? what happened?" he asks. jisung hadn't told him anything since before he confessed to hyunjin.

he hesitates, but felix should know. he's his best friend. jisung tells felix everything that happened, from their nervous hand holding at the beach, his mid night confession, hyunjin's morning confession, their date, dinner, and late film night.

felix thinks for a bit, trying to understand why hyunjin wouldn't be next to jisung this morning after their shared feelings and everything else.

"why don't you text him?"

a bit embarrassed, jisung lets his head fall and mumbles they never exchanged numbers. he didn't think they'd need to yet, considering they slept over each other's places every night.

felix hums in thought and suggests to look the boy up on social media.

"what was his name?" felix asks, already going on instagram.

"hyunjin, but i don't know his surname."

felix humphs. "i don't think he has an instagram. there's nothing for hyunjin in busan. he never told you his surname?"

jisung answers no, but maybe he'll have a twitter.

the boy goes on any and every social media app he can, that he has himself, and finds nothing. there's no male hyunjin from busan that pops up in the searches. "are you sure his name was even hyunjin?"

he stops, his heart slowly coming apart. what if the boy had lied about who he was entirely? what if nothing he said was the truth? who had jisung come to like this summer break?

"jisung? i'm sorry, i didn't mean to say that. his name was probably hyunjin. i just can't find anything."

he can't talk right now.

"i got to go, felix. i'll call you later."

"okay," felix mumbles, regretting having asked that.

the line cuts and jisung's left with his thoughts, his dad already at work from early in the morning. he sits at the edge of his bed and stands quickly, getting dressed to leave.

he rushes out and goes to hyunjin's complex. knocking on the door, jisung calls for the raven haired boy. when there's no answer, he goes to the cafe. yet again, he doesn't find him. where else would he go? he'd only ever been to the few places jisung had gone during his stay.

the beach.

jisung hurries over to where he met him, and there sits a different boy. this one has chestnut hair and is accompanied with a dark haired boy with braces who sits on the sand, gazing up. he wonders if they're anything like himself and hyunjin.

for the braces boy, he hopes not.

he slowly loses hope, though only having looked in minimal amount of places, and walks along the shore. where would hyunjin have gone? why would he leave in the middle of the night? had he left in the middle of the night? did he leave in the morning before jisung woke up?

his phone buzzes in his pocket. it's his mom.

"hello?" he answers. she asks him about his week, how it went. jisung lets her rant about how felix never left and would spend almost every dinner with them while jisung was gone.

"enough about us back here. how was time with your dad? you guys go out and do dad and son stuff?" she chuckles.

he chokes on his words, stiffling a cry, and says they did. they hung out every day. they even went to the aquarium. he said they visited the beach almost every day, but none of it was true. at least, he did none of that with his dad.

"that's awesome, honey! i can't wait to see you tomorrow. your brother and i miss you so much," she pouts.

jisung smiles. "i miss you guys too. i've got to pack, mom. i'll see you tomorrow. i love you," he hums. she says she loves him and they hang up.

he sighs and heads back to his dad's apartment, beginning to pack his things to go back home. this time, he's alone in his room. there's no one to pet his hair, to hold his hand, to tell him they like him too.

hours pass and jisung's watching howl's moving castle in bed when his dad gets back home. "hey, bud! i'm home," his dad calls from the kitchen.

jisung gets up and trudges over. he puts on his best smile and greets his dad. "how was work?" he asks.

the tired man tells him everything, how tiring it was but coming home to his son made it worth the strain. "you guys hungry? i'll make something tonight," his dad goes about the kitchen, getting what he needs to make tteokbokki.

"where's hyunjin?" he asks after taking a peek into jisung's room and not seeing the boy.

jisung hesitates. his dad has to have some idea of the two boys' feelings, well jisung's feelings towards the other. he bites his lip and tries to avoid his dad's eyes when he mumbles, "he's not here."

rummaging through the fridge, his dad frowns, "he's at home? he could've stayed for dinner you know. i mean, it's your last day here. he could've seen you off."

he turns and smiles at jisung, but it quickly falls when the boy doesn't hold much emotion in his face in response.

"sung? what's wrong?"

he looks up quickly and shakes his head with a smile. "sorry. i zoned out," he chuckles. this seems to calm his dad as he nods and continues with making their dinner.

with each passing minute, and each passing hour, until the next morning arrives for jisung to board the train with his dad to go home, he can't get the boy who played his guitar on the beach that one day out of his head. no matter how hard he tries, all he can think of was the boy and the way he makes jisung feel.