My Muse

My Muse (Chapter Four)

10th Jan, 2014

I quickly rush to catch the train, im always late and trying to catch up with life in the very last minutes, but luckily, I get the train.

I'm off to London, its Molly's birthday! She'll kill me if I miss it, and I for sure don't want to miss it.

She's the only person I can count on, and yeah, the boys as well but she's older, mature and more understanding, im just so happy to see her, after SO long! But I hope I don't see him, the person who ... who does not deserve a place on this earth but is still alive ''huh'' I scoff to myself.

I think of the phrase that 'good people die soon because God wants them to himself' is true because if this was not true, my mom would be here with me today, she'd see me walking her path, she'd be proud of the person I am today, well... that's what I hope for.

Molly assures me that she'd be proud of me if she were alive so im sure she'd be.

Im smiling to myself when a little kid shakes my hand and my attention is diverted towards him, he sees the iPod in my hand and I understand from his look that he's fascinated by it, he's probably never seen one before because I clearly can see the amusement and astonishment on his face.

I smile at him, I take off my earphone and put it in his ear and play the song, the happiness on his face.... Gosh! I can't tell, my heart expands when I see him happy, I don't get to witness such moments more often because im in Manchester.... Im with the guys.... Im a bad boy....and im a man, and I should be anything but weak, emotional....well that's how it is, and im okay with how it is.... I mean yeah, I fake it till I'll make it one day.

My entire two-and-a-half-hour journey is spent with this little kid, and I enjoy it, a lot! Its wholesome.

We both listen to songs, we change songs in between because the little champ does not like it, we shift to rhymes, though he's big enough not to listen to them but you can't kill someone's taste.

He likes them he enjoys them and I suffer, I laugh to myself, I never knew I could be good with kids, how would it feel when I'd become a father one day?

I wonder but i.... I don't know or I think I won't be able to be a role model for my kids because I've never had someone who'd show me how to be one.

I brush my thoughts away because that is not happening any time soon and.... I guess I'd never want it to happen, because its better safe than sorry.

Bringing kids into this world and then you just let them suffer? Why because you yourself are not stable enough, its better to not bring them at the first place.

''What should I call you?'' the little kid asks, ''ummm, Mr. Stranger? How about that?'', the little guy thinks for a while and replies ''but you're not a stranger anymore, we shared the same earphone all the way so we can't be strangers''.

''Well... you're right, so why don't you tell me what should I be called?'' I ask, ''pod'' he says excitedly and I chuckle,'' what? Pod? You mean like two peas in a pod?'' I laugh, ''what's that? He asks, confused, ''ignore that, but why'd you call me a 'pod' ?'' I emphasize on the word pod, ''well you shared your iPod with me, and did not scold me, so I thought pod is a good name, specifies you'' I nod on his statement and smile, ''well im okay with that as long as you like it'' I pat his back and we continue listening to music until I reach my destination.