Dear Charlie

This is Me and my Thoughts.

Charlie's Journal:

Entry #1.

It was annoying really; how I wanted to shout out everything and just walk away from it all. Who wouldn't get tired? It's like getting bitch-slapped repeatedly. And trust me, if you haven't felt one, better avoid it if you don't want your cheek to throb and swell for the next hour.

All this crap about being 'weird' for being different makes me realize how pathetic people are. It pisses me off that humans, who are one of US, kill themselves because they get neglected. No, I'm not being a rude bastard. I'm not being a douche or a jerk when I say I'm better than you; I just know I am.

I don't make anyone want to hate themselves.

What's tiring is that people take me so lightly. I smile, laugh and act as if I like hearing people say:

"Oh god! Atheists will all rot in hell! They're so disgusting." I could practically hear my friends snickering, nodding in agreement as they did so.

Why would I be affected?

I'm a damn Atheist. Now that a few people know, they would look at me in either disgust, confusion and anger. But did I give a fuck?

NO.

This is the part wherein my parents would brag about religion without knowing my beliefs. This is the part where I have to pretend I'm their oh-so-nice-and-rebellious offspring who'd graduate with a strong faith in believing in everything holy.

It's illegal to complain, to feel like shit, to cut yourself when you just want to forget. Because people will judge you, whether you deserve it or not.

Cruel isn't it?

Being called:

Fag, Gay, Lesbian, Monster, Demon, Monstrosity, Trash, Useless, Worthless, Meaningless, Chewed-up shit, Asshole, Slut, Whore, Jerk, Playboy, Fat, Anorexic, Geek, Nerd, Pathetic, Stupid...

There's a long list.

But most of us can't complain, can we? We think it may be true. We think maybe they're right for once.

Did it hurt? When people you know and don't know, people you love and don't love, would call you such things? How much pain did it cause you?

Now people wonder why most of us outcasts choose suicide.

Let me shout these at the backstabbing people who call themselves your 'friends':

IT WAS YOUR FUCKING FAULT. IT WAS YOUR FAULT WHY I AM LIKE THIS. WHY I HATE MYSELF, WHY I DO THIS, IT'S ALL YOU.

Did that feel good?

Getting all the steam out. All that pent up frustration living in this world of annoying lies.

Now you ask yourself:

How can everyday be such a living hell hole? How's that possible? Is this punishment?

Maybe it is.

Did we deserve it?

I don't know.

"So I woke up the next day, hating myself. I woke up the next day, wanting to die. I woke up the next day, hoping it would just end."

Dear friend, this is only the beginning.