The Glimmer of a Blade

Chapter 2

Nightmares filled my head as i slept. Something was chasing me, trying to kill me. I could hear the harsh words everyone had called me in my life. Ahead of me, my memory played over and over again. I was always in trouble, and someone was always yelling at me for something stupid. "You smell", "you're ugly", "you're worthless", "you'll never amount to anything", "you don't fit in here. Go away". I have similar dreams like this regularly... It torments me.

I woke up in the next morning with red puffy eyes. the night before was full of tears, I had cut again. ''what will the people at school say?'' I thought to myself. it wasn't exactly school, more an art school, but they were just as judgemental as high school students.

I threw my blanket off me and scavanged through my bag of clothes on the side of my bed. most people my age have drawers full of clothes, but then again I'm not most people. I found my black long sleeve shirt in the bottom of my bag, it has holes in the sleeves where I put my thumbs, and a few paint stains. I continiued looking in the bag untill I found my deep blue jeans. the ends of them displayed their age, they had tears and frayed material dangling off the edges. I loved these jeans, they hid my waist and made my thighs look thinner, ultimately making me look taller.

once I was dressed I searched my room for my hair brush. I couldn't find anything in my room due to the mess my brother made when he came home drunk. after a while of searching I found my only brush. it had a chip on the corner from when my mother beat me with it when I lost it at the age of ten.

I brushed my long black hair in the bathroom mirror, I contemplated whether to have it up in a ponytail or to leave it down, I decided to leave it down. I carefully out eyeliner around my eyes, making sure it was straight and not too thick, I then put mascara on my top lashes and out some black eye shadow on my top lid.

the black makeup around my eyes made my blue eyes look amazing, they were the only feature of my face that I actually liked. all my makeup was stolen, as i didnt have enough money to buy any.

...

I arrived at the school after a long walk. I liked walking in the cold, it made the pain of my cuts go away for a while. winter is harsh here in Tasmania, the rest of Australia is usually slightly warmer. I like being here. I entered the building and took my usual seat in my art class. I checked my phone for the time, i still had five minutes until the teacher arrived. I set my canvas on the stand, layed out my pencils, brushes and charcoals on the table to my left. I dug in the drawer for a paint tray and filled it with a different colour in each crevasse in the tray.

miss Cook stepped into the room quietly and drifted to her desk, looking at all the students' faces to see who was paying attention to her arrival. she wore heels that were only a few inches high, a red dress that barely reached her knees and enhanced her breasts. her face was perfectly round, her eyes were soft and hazel and she always had light pink lipstick on her perfectly plump lips.

I looked around the class and realised no one else had noticed she entered the room. mrs. Cook gave me a smile which told me to brace myself. I sent the devious teacher a smile right back her way telling her I was ready and a small nod.

she made her way to her desk and slammed her big books onto her desk at the front of the classroom, as soon as she did, the class jumped and sprang to attention. this was our daily routine, yet the class is still startled

''alright class, thank you for your attention, today we are going to be painting some surreal pictures. I don't want just random objects in random places, I want you to paint your feelings, okay?'' miss Cook had always found a way to get everyones attention.

''miss, isn't that what surrealism is? strange things in strange places?'' a boy next to me asked.

''adam, before you start painting, go on the computer and research what surrealism is, then repeat it to me in your own words,'' miss Cook said sternly gesturing to the computers in the corner. ''everyone else, you may begin.''

i plugged my headphones into my ears and pressed play on my phone and 'Dead' by My Chemical Romance began to play. I picked up my grey lead pencil and began to draw on my canvas carefully, straight lines, curved lines, thin lines and thick lines. the image came to life with every single movement of my hand. when I was satisfied with my creation I began painting over the pencil. then, once that dried I went over the paint with my charcoals.

after about 45 minutes of work I raised my hand.

''yes, teresa?''

''I'm done miss,'

I got out of my seat and offered it to miss Cook. she gladly sat down and looked at my creation. she was staring for a while, pulling soft faces, trying not to let me see.

''teresa, this is very good. you have done a great job with your shading and textures. the lines are very precise, you are a great artist. I must ask though, why such a dark depiction?''

''thank you for your kind words miss, the painting shows the pain behind a smile. a person can be happy on the outside, but a storm of depression on the inside. there are secrets behind the smiles. people don't seem to understand this.''

''i love it. keep up the good work,'' mrs. Cook praised me with her beautiful smile. yes, sadly I have a crush on my teacher.

mrs. Cook never seemed to have a boyfriend or partner of any kind. ich libe dich.

''what was that?'' somebody next to me asked snapping me from my thoughts.

''huh?''

''you mumbled something, what was it?''

''oh, sorry. I don't know.''

what did i just say? did I really just say ich libe dich? hopefully nobody in my class knows german, otherwise they would have heard me say 'i love you' to my teacher. that would be embarassing.

''you're going red, are you okay?''

yeah, I'm fine. just thinking.''

''okay,'' the girl next to me replied with a confused look on her face.

I blushed in my seat and continiued the lesson as normal. the day went by without any more hitches. after school I walked home in the cold weather. when I got home I opened the front door slowly and quietly, hoping my brother was asleep and didn't hear me.

I walked through the door and stepped lightly up the stairs and into my room.

my room was twice as messy as it was this morning. i dont know what jeremys problem was, but he had always messed up my room. i was about to start cleaning when i almost stepped on a smashed up glass bottle. yep, he had deffinately been drunk.

i stared at my room for a moment, then began to clean it.