She Was Always There (Eremika Story)

Chapter 17

Eren turned to Mikasa, silently thinking of what he should do.

His mind felt conflicted, a little lost even. how long it would take for him to crack?
This was getting to be too much. Maybe he could fool everyone else, but Mikasa was his drug, his weakness, his strength.

Pacing began. Taking a few steps here and there; back and forth.

The plan?

The feelings of guilt, uncertainty caused tightening in his throat, causing inability to speak or say anything.

pacing turned into cursing under his breath.
Mikasa tilted her head, wondering what he could've been thinking.
She grew concerned by his anxiousness, but she stopped herself from reaching to him.
Eren stopped pacing, he stopped and sighed.

He dragged his hands down his face, covering his eyes down to his mouth.

Quickly turning around, his eyes met Mikasa's. The stare intense, eyes piercing each other.
There was a sensation in her heart.
She was afraid of his intentions, but still in denial of them really being bad...but she overall pitied him.

Pitied the boy she's always loved.

Looking at each other, they could see pain within the other.
Mikasa could see Eren trying so hard to keep on armor.
A hard shell that shielded all feeling and emotion. She wanted to help shatter it and bring out the real Eren.
After everything that's happened, him being responsible for Sasha dying.

...Sasha

Mikasa looked away, disconnecting from the emerald eyes. 
Eren held his stare to the girl looking away from him.
He was now revealing a more hopeless expression. He put his hand to his face.
There was so much pain from his actions, from seeing those he loved in pain.

Seeing her in pain. It was too much to bare.

Eren let out a shaky breath, causing Mikasa to glance back at him.

Her eyes widened as she saw part of his face. Eyebrows furrowed. His eyes covered by his hand.
He looked as if he was going to fall over.
Eren held his breath as he heard Mikasa's steps coming closer to him.

He realized his emotions were overcoming him and he couldn't hide anymore.
..tears..threatened to fall.

Mikasa reached to Eren, grabbing his wrist away from his face to see his expression.
She froze at the sight.
His big eyes so sad, wetness pouring out. She hadn't seen that sadness for so long. Eren's constant crying had stopped years ago.

He had hardened himself. But he was just keeping everything in. Had no one to talk to about his thoughts and what he thought he needed to do.
Mikasa leaned Eren's hand to her cheek, feeling his warmth.

She didn't know what to say. They stood there in silence. Together.
Eren let out a sob and attempted to form a sentence.

"I..I don't know what I'm doing anymore!" He choked out, closing his eyes tightly to avoid seeing Mikasa's reaction. "I thought I did..I thought I could change things, but I couldn't. Sasha's still dead and everything his how I saw it!" He shouted, letting out cries.
Eren had cracked.

Mikasa supported Eren, while now looking terrified. Not of him, but for him. She could now verify that she was right.

He was pretending. All this time...
But for what?
What could've possibly driven him go out of his way to destroy the people he loves and who love him?
None of it made sense, but she knew he would have to tell her everything now.

Mikasa embraced Eren as he cried into her shoulder, desperately trying to get the words out.
Mikasa shushed him gently, not letting him go.

They stood there for a while...
Together, holding each other.
Both

hurt

Confused

In pain...

But, even if they had all of those feelings, they knew that no matter what. They'd always love each other.
But they also knew that Eren had to come clean and tell Mikasa everything.