Truth and Light

Chapter 1

"I will not cry, I will not cry," I said to muttered to myself. I turned up the music I was blaring to drown out the thoughts going through my head. The more I thought about what I had done, the more I had to struggle to keep the tears from running down my face.

Usually, I had a difficult time with music being loud, or any noises being too loud, but today the music seemed to calm the voices in my head. The incessant voices yelled at me to turn around, told me that what I had just experienced wasn't that big of a deal. Yes, I could barely breathe due to the pain in my ribs. Yes, I couldn't see out my left eye because it was swollen shut. Yes, I felt like I had the flu with a headache that seemed to be building behind my eyes. Aches and pains plagued my entire body to the point that all I wanted to do was close the curtains, turn off my cell and crawl into bed and cry for a few days.

I knew the harder I ran, the harder he would try to catch me. It was like a game for him. When I first started dating Duncan, I couldn't decide if I liked him or not. He was confident, but cocky; passionate, but quick to anger. After a few dates I made the decision to not call him back anymore. I thought he'd just get bored with me and find another girl who was more his type. A girl who hung out with his crowd of people, wore makeup and tight clothes, who liked to drink and spend their spare time at the casinos. Maybe he'd find the kind of girl I wasn't, the kind of girl I physically couldn't be.

I was most definitely not that girl. I knew I wasn't that girl because Duncan spent all his spare time telling me I wasn't that kind of girl. He would constantly point out things he didn't like about me, nitpicking whenever he possibly could, "Jesus, Alina, stop being such a geek. Why don't you put the book down and I'll take you shopping for something cute to wear? I'll even get you some makeup!"

"Makeup makes my skin red and irritated, and I can't stand those clothes. The fabrics itch and those kinds of clothes are just so uncomfortable. You don't like my jeans?" I had purchased these jeans on sale but they were really cute, they had a delicate, yellow flower embroidery on the pockets. I'd been wearing one of my favorite shirts that I usually received a ton of compliments on. It was a pretty teal color and brought out the green in my eyes and it also didn't clash with my red hair.

"It's just so...plain," Duncan sneered at me. He loved to get all dressed up, wearing tons of cologne that made my head ache and my eyes water.

He didn't get bored with me, though. He tracked me down at the library that I worked at and made a huge scene. My supervisor at the time had told me if he ever came back I'd be fired. Where would I be then? I was living in a tiny apartment that I could barely afford and eating grilled cheese and whatever fruit they were giving away for free at the grocery store. I went to get free food a lot, but they only had so much to give.

After last night though, I needed to get out. I was sick of being a punching bag, especially when it wasn't even my fault. I still couldn't believe in a matter of hours, how much my life had changed, how much I had changed my life. In my head, I knew it was the right thing to do. If I stayed, everything would continue to spiral out of control. Duncan's personality had quickly morphed from the "okay" boyfriend facade to the monster I had seen last night.

I still couldn't believe what had happened. Duncan always had a temper, and being slapped or punched was not uncommon, but he had never lost control the way he had last night. I tried to distract my thoughts from the pain, but like a bad hangnail that you can't keep from picking at, my brain just kept going right back to the heartbreak that was my life.

"It's fine, I don't really need to eat!" Duncan screamed at me. I knew the neighbors could hear; they could always hear. They wouldn't say anything, but tomorrow when I would say good morning or offer a friendly smile, their eyes would suddenly find a stray piece of lint on their clothes, or their cell phone would become super interesting.