WAVES | t.h

PROLOGUE

I am drowning in a sea of desire and the only one who can save me, is you.
-Christy Anne Martine
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   It takes eight seconds for someone to drown.

    One

    Two..

     Three..

    Four

   Five..

   Six..

    Seven...

     Eight..

   Gone.
 
     
     I shouldn't think about it.

    It's going to fester away at my soul if I keep the memory stored at the very front of my brain where I can see it everyday, reminding me of what he did to me and how it still plagues my mind like an deadly infection with an intense desire to destroy everything that I have ever become and who I have ever been.

  I can't erase the past. I can burn it away like a written letter with a lighter, watching as it falls from my fingertips and into a metal drum where the amber flames reflect onto my skin like an artist painting away at me, trying to paint over the lies and treachery that seems to enter my life right when things are starting to be okay.

  Breathe..

    Just breathe..

  In..

   Out..

   Good.

   I always question what lead me to the very moment where it all went wrong. My mind screams at the universe and anger, screaming out for a reason to why I had to inure that events that left me unable to take another step into a pool of water without wanting to run away and let the water that lays inside me, run down my cheeks.

  I can't even step near the ocean. Why am I going on vacation to a place that is famed for its beaches? I'm trying to start over and get rid of this idiotic fear that's keeping me from doing things that everyone else does. I'm forced to stay on the land and watch as everyone else laughs amongst one another in the water, expressing the fun that they're having whilst i'm sulking on the grainy land.

  If i'd never met him, it wouldn't be this way. If I had just never met eyes with that handsome stranger in the coffee shop in the middle of a warm Sunday, where I fell in love with exactly the wrong sort of person that you should stay away from. The sort of person that ruins everything, steals from you, lies to you, manipulates you, drags you into a dark pit that you'll never escape.

   I couldn't see it then. For the first period of our relationship, everything was blissful. Nothing could have made it wrong. It all seemed right out of a romance novel that told the tale of two young lovers who met eyes and immediately knew that everything was meant to be.

  I wish it could have been like a romance novel. If it was, everything would have remained the same. It would have all been so beautiful and everything that I had dreamed for since I was a child. The princess stories my mother would tell me before bed about the prince who would come and save me from the dooms of the world that bite at you like a hungry wolf.

  I thought I found my prince, but I hadn't. I'd found the villain of the story who pretended to be the protagonist just so that he could pull me into the darkness and make me afraid of what the world has to offer. The person who tells you that they're the only one that you need and turns you against everyone you've ever known.

   The truth is, I don't think there is a hero to my story. There's no fairytale prince that's going to come and save me from the fear that's inserted itself into my soul and made its place, telling me that it's all my fault. Nothing will change this, because fairytales aren't real and this kind of fear can never be reversed.

  I thought that this handsome stranger would be the one to bring me to his beautiful castle in the woods where he would show me just exactly how beautiful the world is when you're shown what love can be. He didn't show me love and I learnt that very quickly.

  When he tried to drown me.

But then, there was this light. This beautiful light. I felt it wrap around my heart and give a gentle, reassuring squeeze.
 
  It was like it- he showed me what it means to be loved. To be pulled out of those endless depths of murky water and held in gentle arms.

  There is only so much light can do when it's shun through water.

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