Undying Love (BakuKiriKami) Book Two

Guilt

((GO READ BOOK ONE: Dying Love (BakuKiriKami)

Kirishima's POV

I miss him so much...

He isn't the same now, he pretty much ignores me and Bakugou. I don't even know why, I mean sure he doesn't remember us, but he didn't act like this the first time we met. He had always been very outgoing and talkative but now, it was like he shut up and left the room anytime me and Bakugou entered it. The classroom and the kitchen were the only places he would stay with us for a long period of time, and even then he wouldn't say anything but a mere, 'hello'.

It's like he took on Todoroki's personality or something. At least towards me and Katsuki. With Mina and Sero, he's pretty normal. I feel like the Bakusquad is breaking because of it. Sero never hangs out with us anymore, and Mina doesn't hang out with us nearly as much.

I wonder if they blame us for what happened to Denki.

When we....made him jump.

The tickling sensation rose up in my throat.

Oh yea, did I forget to mention? I have hanahaki.

I haven't told anyone, only Bakugou. We actually both have Hanahaki because of our dear Kaminari.

It's ironic, isn't it?

He forgets us because he had to have the hanahaki surgery because of us and now we have hanahaki because of him.

I guess we deserve it, or at least I do. I didn't even notice anything was wrong with him.

I think Bakugou feels the worst though, even though he tries not to show it with the class, I've seen him cry. I've seen the way he looks at me with a completely horrified and guilty expression. One that makes my heart throb with sympathetic pain.

I stumbled over to the toilet, heaving up the yellow and black flowers into the bowl for what seemed like the thousandth time.

I was grateful that UA had a good plumbing system, the pipes hadn't clogged up once.

Having this horrible disease has made me realize a few things. One being that Denki had been so....so strong to keep this disease a secret from the rest of class 1A. Two, that I didn't want to die, that I wanted more than anything to live, and three being that I would die, if it meant holding onto the memories I had of my sunshine boy.

I wouldn't get the surgery, what would that accomplish? Giving away memories that one person already forgot? And if Kat got the surgery as well, those memories would just be...nonexistent. No one would ever remember the time we snuck out of UA and almost got caught. No one would remember the weird student from the licensing exam that hit both me and Bakugou with that quirk.

It wasn't just forgetting Kaminari that worried me, the surgery would cause anyone I loved romantically to be erased from my memory. That included Katsuki.

I couldn't do that to him.

Not after everything we've been through.

Not after all we are going through currently.

He needed me, I was really the only person he talked to about his feelings.

I loved him, and Denki. I could NEVER betray them like that. I just hope Bakugou felt the same and didn't disappear and come back one day, not knowing who I was.

I wiped my mouth of the blood that had splattered onto my lips. Groaning softly, I flushed the toilet and rose to my feet, looking back at myself in the mirror. I smiled a little. A sickly, sorrow-filled smile.

I never really faked smiled.

But now I understand the true wonder of Kaminari. He did this every day while he was dealing with this. I didn't even notice.

I didn't notice how bad he was hurting.

I didn't notice that he was slipping from life.

I just sit back and let it happen.

Godammit, am I even worthy enough to remember?

I was so unmanly to my best...best friend. He was struggling, and I couldn't help him.

I couldn't save another person.

I failed.

I just sit on the sidelines AGAIN.

Fuck...why was I even trying to become a hero. If I didn't know when to help my own best friend, how could I know when or how to help others.

Maybe Monoma was right, maybe some of us Class 1A kids don't deserve to be considered greater than class 1B.

I feel so stupid, and weak. 

I turned away from the mirror, not wanting to see the black roots that had appeared over the last two weeks.

Gods, I hadn't changed a bit. I was still the unmanly weak person I was back in middle school.

I couldn't save anyone.

Not even the guy I loved.

((ANGSTTT BITCHESSSSS ;3 see ya next chapter.