The Woes of a Lost Love

part eleven

As I laid awake in bed, my mind pondered about every single thing that happened that evening – from the autumn leaves that were slowly descending to the ground outside as colder weather crept closer toward us, to the way Callum looked and talked to me as if there was no one else in the room. It all just turned out more perfectly than I could have imagined.

Now, of course, we did actually get to studying after the mindless staring and listening to depressing indie music.

Reaching for my phone, I scroll mindlessly through Instagram, before I decide to go back to his account. My thumb hesitantly moved back and forth before I clicked the follow button, I throwing my phone far away onto the carpet as I covered my face in humiliation. Hundreds of thoughts and doubts wrapped around my head such as Why would I do that? And He'd never respond.

But time only knew.

The moons luminescence shined through my draped curtains as I began to doze off, again, to the thought of Callum, wondering how I could uncover this mystery that was himself. I don't think I processed what I had just done, but that wasn't necessarily a bad thing.

"So, how did it go?" Violet inquired as she raised and lowered her eyebrows, making me scoff at the thought of her teasing me. "It went... fine," I paused, pursing my lips as I felt my cheeks grow a rosy red. "Just, fine?" She replied, frowning her lips in indifference.

Suddenly, I stopped in my tracks as a wide smile plastered itself onto slowly onto my face. "It was great!" I squealed as Violet beamed as we jumped in unison. "Did you guys do it?" Violet questions, and my face drops in indifference. "Seriously, Violet? Of course not!" I hissed, shoving her shoulder as she chuckled lightly. "Just checking if you're out of your prude phase yet," she stated.

"I'm not a prude!" I exclaim out of shock, peers staring at me with judgment-filled eyes and up and down looks as I felt myself turn redder. I shouldn't have stated that so loudly. I pursed my lips, trying to articulate what I was about to say. "I'm just saving myself - after Oliver, I don't want anything too spontaneous, but who knows what'll happen," I defended myself, clutching my ancient history textbook to my chest as I shrugged casually.

Throughout my junior year, Oliver was my mid-term boyfriend. It was enjoyable while it lasted, but he wanted too much of me that I wasn't ready to handle. We grew indifferent toward each other, and that was okay - until he pretended he didn't know who I was and began acting like everyone else in the school: snobbish, selfish, and popular. So, I suppose you could say we didn't exactly part on good terms.

It's fine though, I didn't really want to know him after that either.

"I'm sorry, Zel. I know you're not a prude," Violet wraps her arm around my shoulder, another peer gives a dirty look to the words that they heard as Violet death stared them, making me simper. She always had my best interest at heart and I questioned if I even did enough for her as a friend.

"You know, it's not every day you find someone from your dreams – literally," she spoke genuinely, her arm still wrapped around me as we wandered through the halls. "You should cherish the innocence while it lasts," she added, and I nodded in agreement. It does ruin it in some – no, most cases.

As we wander through the halls, down to the cafeteria, I notice a huge huddle of the popular faces of the seniors around a table, until my eyes avert to Callum's face, talking and smiling at them all. My eyebrows furrowed in confusion and worry, until the ultimate feeling settled in; realisation.

Of course this would happen.

"What is Callum doing with those punks?" Violet whispered. Suddenly, the schools infamous, narcissistic, bitch of a classmate walks up behind him, rubbing his shoulders as she leaned over him. Her name was Amy, and she was everything I was insecure about. From her sleek, brunette hair to her acrylic pink nails, I couldn't help but envy her and feel bad about myself.

I felt my heart sink in to my stomach, my eyes widening in heartbreak. "Let's go," I whisper, gripping Violet's arm and dragging her to our spot, on the grass, behind the oak tree.

It shouldn't be a big deal that he was making a group of friends. But it was a big deal to me. As soon as I thought he'd be different, he was just about to prove he was like everyone else, and I didn't think I could handle that kind of disappointment. It was only a matter of time until he pretended like I didn't exist and become one of the bros.

The grass rustled underneath us after every step as the autumn skies threatened thunder and lightning. "Zel, I think it's gonna pour soon!" Violet called after me as tears brimmed in my eyes. "I don't care," I stated emotionally.

"Hazel–"

"I can't believe this!" I exclaimed, turning to face Hazel as my eyes threatened to spill a waterfall. "He's lucky I gave him a chance. He's lucky I apologised and gave him another chance out of this school," I stated, running my hands through my hair as I breathed deeply.

"You need to calm down, Hazel,"

"If he knew what that god-awful bitch was like he would never be in the presence of her!" I emphasised, tears spilling down my rosy cheeks as I struggled to form a sentence. Wind rustled through our hair as Violet stared at me in sorrowfulness, speechless.

My knees fell to the soft, damp grass as Violet huddled around me, pulling me into a deep hug as I sobbed quietly. This all didn't feel real. It's like he began to mend my broken heart and stomp all over it again, like a child finished with legos.

I guess that's why he didn't respond to my request.