The rants of a black girl

𝟐. 𝐖𝐡𝐢𝐭𝐞 𝐛𝐨𝐲 𝐜𝐫𝐮𝐬𝐡

This is thing is like very long (1586 words).
Enjoy <3

Actually like this popular boy he's white. I've never talked to him he's not any of my classes I've passed by him a few times but that's it never had a conversation not a word nine hello why or hey. I remember there was one time I want to ask him a question and that question was " does he like colored girls?". Now I know when you read that you start thinking "my sister will never be free"or"you're sending us back"or maybe even "I hear the shackles" but if you were me a young girl who's in Middle School he would also start to one of those kind of questions if a white boy you would like to.

I thought you were telling me at school I've always gone to a predomley high school I wish I was never really popped up in my head is life went on it has only happened to be that day but I question just popped in my mind and I started thinking that he like black girls. I asked my two other friends who are white if they can go ask him the question they both said no that I had to do it myself.

There were the other group of girls around us like always and wanted them came up to me and said "what did you say?". I told her that I wanted someone to ask the guy that I liked if they liked black girls I've known this girl since first grade we've never been friends I've had a few conversations with her here and there but we were never friends she said that she could do it but I never really trusted her. It just didn't seem right to trust her about asking that question but no other friends would do it for me so I just said yes I started to walk away to make it seem like I wasn't the one trying to ask the question I was looking over there saying that there was a group of his friends and a group of Marley and her friends saying one of my friends over there to ask them a question I started to heat up and feel embarrassed about why I'm thinking that question and I still do to this day.

One of my friends ran up to me after the girl asked the question I asked what he said and and my friend told me his response.

"If their hot then yeah"

She then told me that the girl asked the guy if he thought I was hot. My heart's saying I never asked her to ask that question I'll ask for her was to ask if they like to colored the girls.
Apparently one of his friends said in my opinion not really. In my head I said "no one asked your b**** ass a question". During the day news time to go back inside the school I felt anxiety I felt like I need a break I just felt too much I felt as a I had a knife stabbed right through me.
I want to see the bathroom I wanted to stall then I realized that I don't want to stay installed I'm not claustrophobic I just don't like staying at all standing and makes me uncomfortable.

I like to start and just waited there but there's a bunch of girls some more excited flow I start tears starting to slowy fall down my face and the group of girls asked me what happened some of those girls happen to be in my classes. I told them what happened and they told me not to worry. I hate when people tell me not to worry about this person especially with someone that you like and then telling you that they only like you if you're hot I hate it when my friends told me that about someone I liked.I had no problem and that I was fine with him not liking me I was totally fine with that but I wasn't okay with people telling me just to ignore him. I still think about that situation till this day even though it happened about 3 or 4 weeks ago I still think about it it makes me question myself how often do I have to ask that question.

A similar story happened but it was just embarrassing I was talking to this boy he's in my peclass and my science class the same boy was in two of my classes last year PE in Spanish. Makes me laugh about this guy's voice it sounds weird words have I like to call it a 'mouse going to puberty'. What's weird is that I've never talked to this guy once I had a crush on him last year but never talked to him even if he was into my classes I would never see him answer any questions. I do remember hearing his voice over time besides class and I was laughing, it was hilarious hearing his voice I looked over to my friend who happens to been in the same Same class with me and we're both laughing at his voice. we were hoping he didn't notice I still to this day he didn't. notice.

I remember talking to one if my friends about asking him to my friend as a joke. She said yeah we walked over to him. We walked over his table and asked him "hey would you like to be my friend?" He said yes and I put out my hand and told to 'shake on it'.
My very first reaction to what happens was his hand and how soft it was. I laughed and told him how soft his hand was and he chuckled and told me thanks.

Now later that week it was Friday. It was the end of lunch and one of the lunch ladies was everyone that they had five more minutes to finish their food till they had to leave. I had already finish my food and seeing getting up and going outside. I see the boy sitting at a table by himself and asking him if he eats lunch alone. He told me he had some acquaintances and some friends and I asked him which one I'm I. He told me I was an acquaintance a little bit of a friend and I respond telling him he was more of an acquaintance. He chuckled and we talk little bit till he went to go throw away his lunch.

I asked him what color was his eyes as a random question and he told me they were Hazel. I told him to look a me and he actually did look at me but not only at him, he actually looked into my eyes. I looked at them for 2 seconds and told him those were Hazel and that they were more a dark green. All this happened when my friend was next to me.

I walked in front of him just open the door and told him that me and my friend were going to talk to her and the friends we're walking across basketball court and apparently one of my friends have a look behind me and I wasn't looking at all. Once we went over to a tree me and my other friend told me that he was 'checking me out'. Ask her how then she told me "when you were weren't looking he tilted his head to the side and looked up and down like from top to toe and I mean it". My first reaction was weird because I asked her or if he looked at my ass and she said yes. It was kind of weird I just kind of stood there I was in with my mouth to the floor I was weird because I've never had a guy really 'check me out'.

My friend told me that she was going to go ask him what he thinks of me I really didn't think much I said it was okay she went over to basketball court. (I'll just have to say before I continue the rest of the story, this is based off what she told me I wasn't there when she asked him). They went over to him and she asked him what he thinks of me, his response to that was "I don't really think about her" the next question she asked was "do you think she likes you?", His response was "part of me says yes and part of me says no"I thought about his response and thinking I kind of do like him but I kind of don't. She did ask him one more question and I was "do you like her".
He said no and I was completely fine with him not liking me but I kind of felt weird you know a voice telling you that they don't like you but they think you like them I just wanted to talk to him but he had left early cuz he went to a wedding for the weekend I still think about that day and what he said. This actually have been very recently Friday actually (9/15/2021) don't know what to do especially since he's in my first period class but I don't know if I'll continue to talk to him or I'll just ignore him.