Pieces of Me

Hiding from Anxiety

I see him. Every step I take, every corner I turn he's there. Watching and waiting like a jungle cat stalking its prey. From the first day of school to the day I graduate, he's there. Even if I don't want him to be. There isn't a time when he's not lurking in the shadows.

As I enter the shopping centre, he's there following behind. I might not see him, but I know he's there. A glance over the shadow confirms my suspicions. As I grew up he became uncomfortably close. "Step back!" I let out a warning hiss. Instead of doing as desired, he smirks and draws towards me.

Ducking past the shoulders of people at the mall, I can feel his chilling gaze on me. Gripping me in such a strong hold I can barely even make any attempts to struggle free. The hold is suffocating. I can't breathe. My heart is racing and my palms are sweating. It takes every ounce of strength I have to fight him off and fight the urge to flee. To flee and never be seen by anyone, especially him.

But he's there and he's not leaving. He's trailing right behind me –stepping on my heels- and being an unwanted burden. I can't shake him. No matter how hard I try to pull away, I can't fight it. We're just staring at each other now. Him, with his encouraging gaze and cocky smile, he knows I can't fight for long.

My eyes sting and I blink back the tears as I push past the crowd of people and dip behind the wall from prying eyes. That's when I turn around and come face to face with him. "You're not going to leave, are you?" The question is a stupid one, especially when I am aware of the answer. Obediently, he shakes his head in reply. That's all it takes.

I step into his warm embrace. I have given up just as he had wanted. I have given myself to him. I can't win, not when he's around. I don't need anyone else. I just need him.