A dancing accident leaves Laurent wondering about an important body part. With his twin brother by his side, things just might turn out better than expected. This One-Shot is my awkard attempt at comedy.
Disclaimer/Warning ⚠ I am not funny! This is an attempt at humor. None of the story is true, it's fiction. I do not know what possesed me to try it, but I had an idea and I rolled with it. If it were not for the encouragement of 2 special readers, I wouldn't even post it but here we go...
I'm not going to laugh. I'm not going to laugh.
In all her years as a Doctor in the E.R., she'd never heard of such a thing. Dr. Danbury's face strained from withholding the serious case of giggles. The nurse, Timothy, who stood over her had already lost his shit just holding it together long enough to tell her about the patient screaming down the hall.
"How did this happen? And you say that he's famous. I have to see this," she said putting on her white jacket to attend to the late night patient. Timothy handed her the tablet with the notes on it.
Notes: Patient experiencing swelling /bilateral testes/ bruising and pain.
The two medical workers rushed down the hall. Dr. Danbury pulled back the curtain. Immediately she recognized the patient as one half of the dancing duo, Les twins. Draped in a backless hospital gown with his twin by his side, Laurent held and icepack over his groin area writhing in pain. "Dude, I can't believe you fuckin stomped on my balls!" He yelled at his brother who also tried to keep a straight face.
Dr. Danbury talked over the incident that brought him to the E.R. in the first place. They'd been in dance battle with a rival crew when Larry accidentally stepped on his brother's private area while he was on the floor in a split. "I've seen you do that split before, impressive," the doctor added while Larry was talking. They both looked at her turning their head to the side.
"Doc, please. Tell me you can fix it," Laurent pleaded shifting his weight to the side trying to find a more comfortable position to lay in. The doctor asked to see the damages. He slowly pulled the ice pack away while she lifted his gown. Everyone in the room looked in.
"Dayyyuuummn!" They all exclaimed at the same time.
"Bro, I'm sorry Bro," Larry offered turning his head to the side. The mangled mess of man parts caused him and the nurse, Timothy, to grab their junk in sympathy.
The doctor quickly covered up her patient. "Umm, I'll get you something for the pain. In the meantime I'll order some scans to see what the extent of the damages are." She and Timothy left the small room headed for another outburst out of ear shot.
"I'm never dancing with you again," Laurent lamented returning the icepack to his groin.
"I said I'm sorry Lau. I was just excited, and I wasn't looking. I didn't even know you were on the floor in the splits."
"Shit, now what am I supposed to do? Walk around with one damn ball! Worse, no balls?"
"I..(laughter) Well, maybe they can make you some new ones? I dunno. I didn't do it on purpose."
They continued to argue until Timothy returned with a pain shot. Seconds later Laurent's funny side took over.
"Forget Les Twins, I'm Les-balls, No Ball -Les," he said to Larry who was still hovering above him shaking his head in disbelief. The next time Timothy returned, he took Laurent off for his scans. When he returned, Dr. Danbury came to give the news.
"Well, it seems like the damage is severe. You'll need surgery. They will have to see what they can do once they are inside."
Laurent jerked up in bed forgetting about his pain for a moment. "What!" He shouted. She repeated what she said. Laurent took a lazy swing at his twin who dodged it easily. "I'm gonna get you for this," he fussed, "If I have to get new ones, he does too!" He reached for his brother's privates, but Larry slid away from him just in time to keep him from getting his hands on him.
"There is good news though. We have made many advancements in this type of surgery. I'm sure the expert will take good care of you." The doctor left the room so the team could prepare him for what came next.
"If I have to get new balls, I want one's that light up like Christmas lights. They are gonna be designer balls bro."
Larry finally sat down in the chair next to his bed.
"You're high bro. Those pain meds must be pretty good," he huffed, "designer balls."
"You did this! I want the best ones they got. You are gonna buy em too."
"Oki, oki," Larry waved his hands in defeat trying to appease him.
"Call my girl, tell her that it's your fault. She's gonna rip yours off when she finds out."
"Oki, Oki," Larry said shaking his head.
Larry waved his angry brother goodbye when they came to prepare him for the surgery. Hours later a nurse came to get him to see his brother in the recovery area.
Curious to what they did, he peaked underneath the gown while Laurent was still sleeping off the anesthesia. The bundles of gauze and bandages prevented him from knowing what they did. Soon the surgeon approached.
"Hello, I see that you are the twin. He'll need a week of recovery time. I ask that you don't disturb the bandages until then. I think your brother will be pleased with the way things went." The surgeon shook Larry's hand leaving him to attend taking him home and caring for him.
Laurent woke up on the day of the big reveal still pretty upset with his brother. Larry stood by the side of his bed jumping up and down like a kid who was about to see what gift they got for Christmas. While Laurent gingerly pulled away the gauze and bandaging, Larry watched wide-eyed to see the result of what his hard-earned money had purchased.
"Want me to rip off the bandages?" Larry asked impatiently.
Laurent gave him a cold stare. "Hell no. I can do it myself."
The new set didn't look nearly as bad as they thought it would. Two balls, right in the place they were supposed to be. Larry clapped excitedly while Laurent looked down to make sure everything was intact.
"Okay, not too bad," he said. Larry rushed over to turn off the bedroom lights.
"What the hell are you doing?" Laurent fussed still trying to look at his man parts.
Larry pulled out a small remote from the bedroom dresser and clicked the button. Suddenly, his twin's balls lit up like blinking Christmas lights. The colors of red, blue and green flashed bright just below the surface of his skin. He danced over to him handing him the remote.
"Woooow! Laurent gasped, "Dude, what is this?"
"You asked for it. You got it."
Laurent shook his head in disbelief, but there wasn't any denying that they were the fanciest, most expensive designer balls in the world. Larry lifted his hand to his forehead in a salute. Laurent did the same.
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Okay. Give me your opinions. I can't believe I wrote this. Yikes! Half bad? Half good?
