Leaving you

Summer 2006

Addie

The last time I saw him....

I was hiding in my room, the drawers pushed up against the door while I cried in the corner. I could hear my stepfather throwing things around the living room, shouting for me to come down. But I knew what was coming, it had been the same since the day he married my mother. He would get angry and lash out, taking it out on me. I was 5 the first time he hit me, I was crying because I didn't want to move to a new house. My mother was outside helping the men load the van. I was stood in my empty bedroom, holding on to a photo on my real father, he came up and snatched the photo away from me, ripping it up. I cried even harder and shouted "NO" and "WHY" he flicked his foot towards me with such force I hit the wall and landed with thud. "You don't need this anymore, I am your father" he snarled at me before walking out. I curled up in a ball crying silently to myself, I stayed in my room until my mother came to get me. she didn't question my tear soaked face, she just picked me up and carried me to the van.

The noises downstairs had gotten louder, I knew now this would be my only chance to run, I had spent years planning it and saving any money I could hide away from my stepfather. The only person I wanted to say goodbye to was Cole, I owed him that, he was my sanctuary, I never told him what was going on, but I got the sense he knew something bad was happening in my house, as most nights I would crawl through his window, he kept spare blankets and pillows for me on the futon. Sometimes he would be awake when I arrived and we would just sit and talk about random things until we fell asleep, other times he would be asleep so I would sneak in and cry silently until I fell asleep. I couldn't leave him behind without trying to explain why I was leaving. I gathered my bag, and climbed out my window, I turned and looked at my room for the last time, before climbing down in to the garden and running across to Coles house. I threw my bag under the bush and started to climb up, I never went to the front door at this time of night Coles mum would panic and ask questions. Questions I wouldn't answer. 

Cole was waiting for me when I got up to the window, he helped me. I reached for him and hugged him, I didn't want to let him go. I could hear him asking me questions, but I just needed his arms around me. Eventually we let go of each other and Cole pulled me to his bed, we sat in silence, my head resting on his shoulder. I tried to tell him "Cole, I..." but the words wouldn't come out, I had grabbed his hand and put it to my face without realizing. I just needed to feel him, my heart was pounding and I knew this would be the last time I could show him how I felt. I kissed him. 

Afterwards, I watched him sleep, trying to remember every little detail of his face. I picked up my clothes from the floor and got dressed. Cole rolled over, I froze and waited to see if he would wake up, when I was sure he wouldn't, I grabbed a pen and paper from his desk and wrote him a note, saying the things I had wanted to say all those hours ago. I placed the note on the pillow so he would see it in the morning, kissed him on the forehead last time and went to the window. I didn't look back as I climbed out of his room, I knew if I did, I would never leave. Once down on the ground I grabbed my bag from the bush and ran into the night.