Cold Days

family shouldn't talk (i)

"you look like your father"

what the hell does that mean?
with the way they said it
(the family who only speaks in spite)
i couldn't tell
whether it was an insult
(as a girl)
or another way of excluding
my mother
who they never liked

"you look like your father"

why would you say that?
is it so hard
to give a compliment
that isn't subtly backhanded?
and then
it clicked.

they meant:
"you look Asian"

and oh
is that how it is?
my Asian(-looking) father
my Caucasian(-looking) mother
are you saying
that I
don't look like my mother?
how cruel

in fact
fuck off
with that

that's such a stupid thing to say
"you look like your father"
why would you say that
to a little girl?
a girl
whose loved ones
you treat(ed) like shit
"you look like your father"
in what way?
in ethnicity?

i shouldn't even be surprised
at this point
...
this is the family
that is racist/sexist/abusive
and more
my god, i can't even
keep track of all the rotten labels
this family falls under

the worst part is that
this phrase isn't even an insult
"you look like your father"
it's not that bad
it's just a resemblance
but
no one ever told me
"you look like your mother"
and sometimes
people would ask her
(or so i'm told; this happened
when i was very small)
if i was really her daughter

"you look like your father"
it's
not that bad
i guess
but
it's
not
good

"you look like your mother"

i've heard that
recently
once or twice
...
but people said it
and followed up with
"you look like sisters"
and that's
almost worse

what is this?
do i want
validation
as a
'daughter'?

why
does it feel
like
a wound?
one
i'd forgotten about
but
aches all the same...

- long-healed burns ache when it's cold