Imagine All the People

Ava

"Mom I'm fine. Trust me. I'm just tired." My mom looked at me again with her sad eyes that were filled with concern. "Are you sure honey? Do you want me to stay with you tonight?"
"Mom just go home. Please."
My mom took a step away from the door, and I shut it quickly before she could change her mind. I hated how much she hovered over me. As soon as I turned 18, I moved out of the house even though I was still in high school. It broke my moms heart, and that was why she was at my door every night, asking for me to come home or to let her stay the night. I always feel a little guilty turning her away, but I can't let her see the inside of my apartment. Sure, I guess it's not bad. But she would know that I needed help if she came inside. As soon as you walk in the door, your greeted by a large living room with white walls. I have a black leather couch in front of my flat screen. I actually painted one wall black with chalkboard paint so that I could color on it. That's one reason why I can't let her inside. On that blackboard I write my death notes to the people I love. I write how many days clean I am. Which is never long. And some days it scares even me. I hung Christmas lights up around the room to make it more happy. Even though that could never help me.

Attached to the living room was a small kitchen. I don't cook so it's never been used. Behind the kitchen is a hallway with my bedroom and a bathroom. My room was the center of my apartment. For me. The walls were black with chalk drawings over them. I had my multi-colored Christmas lights up. My bed was white with a black ying-yang symbol on my bed sheets. I had a desk in the corner covered with my school work; my textbooks piled on the sides, and my loose papers all over the surface. My closet was full of my long pants, and long sleeved shirts and sweatshirts. I don't own shorts. Or anything that showed my arms. My bathroom is connected to my room. Everything is white. Except the sink and the bathtub. There is still rust colored stains in them, which get added on to every day. This is why I can't let my mom come inside. This is why no one is ever inside besides my boyfriends.

Who have I become?