Do you ever get that feeling where you want to walk to slump on a wall and slowly slide down, while thinking about where you're going in life?
You wonder why everything is why it is.
I used to be like that. That was before I realized that the world isn't fair. Society has it's faults, but it's still beautiful. How can we expect it to be better if we don't have any hope for it?
Wow, I'm sounding like a fortune cookie. Anyway, I'm Briana. I turned 17 three days ago. I have a mom and a step-dad. Though he may come home drunk most of the time and party a lot, he's still a really great dad.
I don't have a lot of friends. Not a lot of good, caring friends I can count on. Most of the friends I have are nice to me, but never actually listen to me when I have problems I want to talk about. There was a couple of times, but they acted like it was nothing and ignored it. That's why I don't talk about my feelings anymore.. Not to other people, I mean. I have a journal, but I don't update it frequently. I should.
To be honest, I hate my school. School itself, with the whole academic learning thing is just a whatever, but some people at my school really don't like me, and they have spontaneous ways of showing it too.
I used to like a guy there, too. His name is, well, let's just call him.. Stan. I've known Stan since 4th grade, and I used to play bikes with him. There this one time where I (being the clumsy me) fell and scaped my knee.. really badly. He got me bandages and alcohol and let me ride on his bike on the way to my friend's house to clean up. Him and his friend stood there as my friend helped me limp into her house. We also had our year-round class together, and I remember he was the only person to tell me that I won the contest for drawing my school's yearbook picture (which I sadly made barely any effort on), and was the first to congratulate me. I remember he would (you could say) stare at my papers that would draw on for halfs of hours. It wasn't until we got to middle school when we didn't see each other much anymore. On the first day at lunch, I saw him stare at me. Then he waved and I did the same back. Fast fowarding to 7th grade, he said, "hi Briana" to me in the hallways about twice.
He started becoming cold over the years. I don't know what I did to him. I guess he knew that I liked him and was disgusted that I was.. I think he's purposely trying to make me not like him anymore. Am I that horrible? I guess I am.. I'm writing a god damn story on watt pad based off him.. I'm so stupid. As if he's ever going to see this. This isn't going to jinx anything. But.. I jus want to share it. Tell it out loud where it's not stuck in my chest.
I see him look at me at lunch now a days. I'm always the last one to get out, because everyone else is always so fast and, well, not a lot of people in that class like me.
So, I'm usually left either comforted with my buds who come talk to me from their table (which is prohibited), or awkwardly trying to walk out as fast as I can without dropping anything.
Right now, I hate this. I hate how I'm stuck in this knot of failure and procrastination. I feel like I'm toting my life away. I want to go outside and play with friends and be happy, but you can't do that with friends you don't have who are willing to waste time with you, without the worry that someone could kidnap you!
Huh. I'm pathetic. So fucking pathetic.
I'm Briana Nguyen, and this is the story that is my life.
