I like to think of this as my journal.. A journal that I publish to the entire world.
It sounds weird, but I like for people to know. To let it out.
Anyway,
I met someone.. Kind of.
Well, I actually saw him since grade 6, but I don't think we've ever had an actual conversation with each other.
Okay let me rewrite this.
I have finally realized the intensity of my crush on this one boy I have had a crush on for a very long time;
It was the best way I could put it.
His name is Carter.. Carter Freeman. I don't know if I'm allowed to use his actual name but since my stories aren't popular anyway who gives a shit.
MOVING ON
His name is Carter, and he has brown hair, with his eyes being a mix of chocolate and honey (I like explaining it like that). I never understood the obsession of blue/green eyes. Brown just does it for me.
He has braces, which he'll be taking out any day now. I'm not sure about his height, but I know that his voice is gentle and fragile as a flower petal.
Quite feminine, I know! But I always loved his vulnerability.
He also plays the drums. I think he's practicing now, but he can play very well. Extraordinary well, actually. He's absolutely amazing, and so cute; both personality and appearance wise!
Now that you have a good look of him, here's the brief explanation~
The other day I was walking to my class with my newly made Korean friend, Dominique. She's very nice, and always waits for me after class (she started doing that one day all of the sudden), and you have no idea how happy that makes me! I never had a friend like that- I'm always the one waiting. I hope me and her will continue to be really good friends.
Like we always did, we lightly and playfully argued which way we would take to get to class. My way was the easy, short way, where not a lot of people went because.. well, there weren't a lot of people. Dom's way was the longer, more crowded way. I'm pretty sure why she's goes though the trouble of going this way when mine is easier, but I'll get to that in a second.
In the end, I actually insisted that we go through Dom's way, because I got to see Carter for a mere 8-10 seconds? Yeah. I was really eager to see him, which is pretty sad.
As we Were about to pass each other, I kept smiling toward Dom and looking at Carter, who was looking at me for about the whole 10 seconds we saw each other. I practically stare at him when I see him (I can't help it!), and he looks back at me, and most of the time it's just us looking at each other and looking away (me spazzing out afterward heh). When he looks at me he looks.. Open. He looks slightly surprised, and his mouth he casually open, to where I can see his front teeth and a little under it. Just normal, but it's always open when we have this contact. I would say that it looks like he's looking something surprising or pretty, which I DOUBT. Maybe he's surprised im looking at him, or maybe he's look at Dominique.
Speaking of Dom.
Yeah. Well,
She likes Carter.
And the reason why I was smiling at her earlier and looking at Carter was because it was Chocolates Day (Feb. 14) and I was teasing her about her and Carter.
*breathes*
Surprisingly, it didn't hurt talking to Dominique about her crush on Carter (she says that she doesn't like him anymore but we all know). In fact, it strangely excites me. It makes me spaz and thrilled to the point where I jump up and down and make little screams about it. Usually this happens when Carter's near and can see me being an idiot, but I sort of secretly kinda want him to see me "fangirl."
He is such a darling, but since I don't want to harm my friendship with Dominique in any way (even though she says she doesn't like him), I'll just silently glance (hopefully not stare) at him at any chance I can get, for now.
This sounds so creepy. Eh, once you write (or in this case type) out your feelings you realize how weird you are. But, we're all flawed human beings, an I guess being a stalker is one of mine.
I wish I could send hime messages. Probably anonymous, to which I could send him little notes everyday reminding him that he is amazing, stunning, beautiful, and such a darling. To never change, he shouldn't. However, I'm afraid it would develop a sense of arrogance in his nature, for there never is any sign of it in his present interactions, which is what I love and adore about him.
I can just imagine him in a cozy sweater, with a traditionally whimsical pattern on it. It would be winter, and he would have in his hands a mug of any hot beverage (preferably hot chocolate.. with marshmallows!), looking out a snowy window with me, us both sharing the same blanket around ourselves as I was warmed with a scarf around my neck (this is turning really corny I'm sorry). We would share the same mug, and just watch the snowflakes fall. Since we're both the quiet type, we would understand each other's silence and be 'awkward' together. We could relax and love each other, and I would fall asleep on his shoulder first, with him noticing after a moment and and gently patting my hair and looking at my calmed face, straying how my lashes shadowed on my cheekbones from his angle, and kiss me slowly, but surely, on top my head, smelling my hair, which smelled like something warm vanilla. Then, fall into a peaceful slumber with me, on top of my head, as well.
Well I'm gonna go. I might update more. I like typing down my feelings and fantasies more, since writing down requires light (I always think of this stuff at like 3 in the morning), finding my journal and pen(lost or on my nightstand, which I'm too lazy to reach over and get), and the small reason I think I have to write as an excuse for being away for so long.
It's weird. It really is. I think of my journal as my audience. Either future or present, it's like one person or a bunch of people, who I pour my whole heart out to, while naturally putting in my weird jokes and such.
I don't need to explain, but I do, in case the future reader of my diary is concerned or was curious/wondering (so really only me), but I would like to go back, and have it to where I could basically read my journal talking to me, being that the journal is me!
Okay, I'm rambling on. I said I was going to go like 6 minutes ago. It's like when you say you're gonna go and go offline but then stay on for like another 3 hours.
1:37 AM. School tomorrow (trying to fake sick). Not tired but will be if I stay up any longer.
GOOD BYE!
