Never say Never.

Chapter 1 - Skye

I am running. But they follow me. I shout at him to run. But he doesn't understand. He thinks it's like in one of his action movies. He doesn't understand the emotion of anger.

'RUN'

I can't run fast enough. My breathing comes so heavy. I can't. They take over me. Their faces full of anger. My feet begin to drag along the ground, then the ground is mud. Thick mud that's fastens itself on to me, the more I move and scream the more stuck I become. I try and try to move. I begin to grad around me in vein hope of finding something to help me escape this mud.

Ahead of me I see them taunting him, laughing and crowding around him.

Oh God. They are going to hurt him. Please don't hurt him.

I can't protect him. I can't stop them hurting him. He is everything to me, but I will never know if I mean anything to him. The mud sucks me down until all I can see is darkness, but all I can hear are screams. Still I struggle, but it's too late.

I wake up and beads of sweat fall down my head. I force myself to remember that it was only a dream, no need to go check on him. It wasn't real. I still pinch myself just to make sure.
Silently, I get out of bed and walk to my windowsill that's padded with cushions which are all different colours, but in the darkness everything is engulfed in black. I sit their for a number of minutes, breathing in and out. Trying to catch my breath. Trying to stop my mind going in thousands of different directions. This needs to stop, I need to stop having these dreams. Nightmares I guess. I can't even remember when they started. It must have been when I was young. I don't always get these 'dreams', when I am stressed or have built up anxiety they prevent me from having a tranquil night sleep for nights and nights on end. Until a force myself to sleep due to complete exhaustion. It's an unhealthy pattern, I know that, but it's works.

There's little- well no point trying to grab some extra rest now. It's 5:22am so I think I can call that a decent nights sleep, or as decent night I am going to get the day before going into 6th form. I just curl up between the cushions and pull my pink love heart blankets over me in an effort to stay warm. For some reason a blanket makes me feel calmer and more rested than before. I curl myself even smaller, trying to stop any tears from leaving my eyes.

Even though I know all the teachers and students at 6th form, I still can't feel settled - if that's the correct term- about going into 6th form. Maybe it's the fact that it means in 2 years I will be leaving school. In three leaving to university (fingers crossed). I am not really nostalgic about my home town. But I am about my brother. He needs me, not that he would ever say it, he doesn't understand that kind of thing.

I just can't bear the fact that he will have to fend for himself at school. That I won't be able to go to his form teacher before first lesson and tell him that he is having a bad day because he say two red cars on the way to school.
I won't be able to make sure no idiots mix up his food on his dinner plate.
I won't be there to go find that idiot who all my brother a retard and tell them to shut the hell up. If the world wasn't so full of idiots I would have a lot less to worry about.

Sometimes I think because my brother has aspbergas its my duty to do the worrying for the both of us.

I settle comfortably on the window ledge and look at the slowly rising light; it's a new day, fresh start. Pinks and oranges begin to take over the navy blue sky, creating an interesting painting to look at. My breath goes cold on the window, clouding my sight from the world that stirs around me.

My eyes close and my mind wonders to a time where I dreamed freely, before I realised my responsibility to my brother. These dreams seem so blurry now, like forgotten antiques in an attic. I wanted to be a doctor in a children's ward. Helping them get back on track with their dreams, and seeing children eyes be brought back to life as they get better. I wanted a perfect house, white washed but not modern. Small and quaint, with wooden beams with fairy lights magically wrapped around them. A fire giving off warmth and friendliness​. The kitchen would have all the modern niches, with vintage looks. Of course as many of the pots would be copper, because copper coloured pots look adorable. My life would be simple and calm, with little changes off the timetable everyday. Everyone would know everyone in my dream town. A community where people care and talk to each other about how they feel; yet there is privacy. Spaces away from anyone where no one would interrupt my train of thoughts and reading nights but people would still come upto me and talk about the weather, how I am. A garden where roses climb up the wall as if they are trying to visit the sun. A life of peace, busyness and never a moment of stress at home, my dream job maybe stressful, but my dream home would be safe and away from anyone who overreacted or was annoying. In my dream world maybe I would even fall in love, meet someone to grow old with and enjoy each and everyday with. Maybe I would go on holidays every year to exotic places, go skydiving or climb a mountain. Visit the pyramids and dance all night with my friends.

A smile crawls onto my face, my dream world is a perfect balance of peace and adventure.

But the thumping noise upstairs at exactly 6am reminds me of the world I really live in.

That dream house may as well have got bombed in my mind. That's how little chance there is of my dream life. My life is tied to this home, these continual schedules and repetitive days. But that's okay, dad always say if you can't live in your dream world then make your real world more dreamy.