Crush at my past, Love at the present

Why are you still not married

STATUS

If your life is perfect as you wanted to think, then go!

Unlike me, I always wanted to look in the mirror to reflect.

Asking how am I become the person I wanted to become when I was young up to where I am right now.

From those days I dream something big. Big as the wave in the ocean. I always wonder if where is the man I used to love before, the man I kissed, the man to say 'he is always there for me even he is in the battle field", the first man to offer her loyalty and love to me.

Hindi ko na kayang isipin ang mga nakaraan na unti-unting nagpapabago sa akin. Ayoko naman talaga na isipan pa iyon kasi sampong taon mahigit na siyang nakabaon sa lupa simula ng namatay siya sa laban.

But here I am, trying to dig a grave that there was nothing to get but only a bones from my lover. I can only think and remember those pain he brought on me from the day he died and loss in the world. All I could do is to cry and trying to move on even it was hard.

Mahal ko siya, sobra. Kaso ang tadhana na ang pumipigil sa amin. My relationship was sucks, totally. Pero hindi ko pwedeng sisihin ang mundo o ng sinuman kasi choice niya yun. Mahal ko siya at mahal niya ako kaso lang ang trabahong pinapangarap niyang pumipigil sa amin kasi dun napunta lahat ng attention niya kasi mas mahal niya. It was quite unfair but I had to accept in order for us to have a better relationship. Thanks god, his not a cheater. I can't say that he is super handsome but his personality makes him look hot and all! He is the perfect boyfriend I had.

Flowers, cakes, chocolate, gift,monthsarry, anniversary or anything that could be related on having a relationship is the most precious moment that happened between us.

Graduate na ako four years ago, I also worked on abroad for two or three years then settle down in my country to find a job here as a part time teacher in our city. Hindi ko sasabihin na mahirap maghanap ng trabaho kasi para sa akin dahil sa kilala na ako ng school since dito ako grumaduate and besides sila din ang naghire sa akin after kong grumaduate so easy for me to have it. At first I denied the offer because I only remember him, but now I was officially part of the academy.

Fast Forward.

"Prof hindi ka ba sasali sa celebration natin? One hundred fifteen anniversary na ng school hindi ka man lang ba makikisali?" One of my co-dean in college. His name is James Silvano, dean at the college of arts and sciences and his a gay.

"Hindi na siguro baka uuwi na rin ako maya-maya. Bigyan mo na lang ako ng maraming picture after the celebration." I said in a usual tone.

"Goodness, girl! Hanggang ngayon hindi ka pa rin nagbabago. Pano ka magkakajowa niyan kung hindi mo parin makagawang kalimutan siya?" Reklamo niya sa akin. "Alam mo bang may isang tao jan sa labas na gusto kang makita? Hindi mo ba alam na matagal ka na niyang gusto?!" My eyes bulge open at him. If he could read my reaction then he is the best teacher in this academy. I rolled my eyes and find my things so I could go home.

"Saan ka na naman?" He asked again.

I irritably turn around to face him and said. " I am not interested. Kung sino man siya hindi ko siya kilala and besides wala akong pakialam sa status ko ngayon!"

"Pwes! Kilala ka niya at matagal na! Matagal mo na rin siyang kilala!" Nakakabuwist talaga tong baklang to sarap sapakin sa harapan. Joke! Sa mukha na lang lol!

But suddenly, the president of the school spoke through the mic that could eco throughout the academy. At kahit sinong langaw ang nagtatakip ng taynga was surely been heard.

"Good day everyone! Happy celabrating! In behalf of the teachers, dean, faculty staff at sa lahat ng bumubuo sa akademiyang ito. We are heartedly happy and overwhelm to your outmost welcome and grateful-"

"Kailangan na nating lumabas okay?!" I rolled my eyes at him then drop my things at my table and I only bring my cellphone at me. "Dadalo ka?" He innocently asked. Dumbfounded.

I just give him a sad nod.

Fast forward.

After the welcome address and giving the staff and student the opportunity to celebrate inside the school I left sir Silvano and find myself in our school bar.  Then suddenly. Ting!

I smiled. It was my phone. A message notification. I open it and read saying;

I guess, someone decided to celebrate. Then he add a smirk emojis. Though, I was smiling like an idiot right now, I still replied him in arrogant replied.

So what? Do you have a problem? I replied. However, he just read it and don't give another reply. Shit! I feel....sad. F*ck! I blow a breath.

"Sassy!" I almost jump in shock but more shock when I feel someone at my back. I can feel his lips near my earlobes, my breath hitch. Thanks God the light was red and dim he cannot see me blushing like an idiot.

"Jay?" I asked and turn around slowly until we are now face to face. "So, do want to sit?" I asked him then tap the vacant sit near me. He smiled sweetly then nod.

By the way, I used to have a crush on him during college years but our distance was so far. I only knew him when my best friend invited me on her birthday but I could feel that he had no interest on me, so I drop the feeling. Funny thing also to say is, he is the only person that give me sort of advise when I was broken then after that I was gone and he was also gone. The comfort was gone.

Last thing I know is, when we met at the school gym and exchange our numbers then do some little conversation after we sleep, going in school and before going to sleep. But, this our first time to formally talk without any gadgets and I could say he is so much attractive rather than before. His glow up was really amazing and I cant help but being drown into his beauty. I think, Im going to fall, again! And fuck this I wanted him as mine!

"You can take a picture if you want." Fuck! My jaw drop but I recover it, somehow.

"Sorry, I wanted to ask something but end up...starring." I turned around and wait for his reply but all I could get was silence. So, I pick the bottle of wine then pour my glass.

"What is it that you wanted to ask?" I don't know but his sweet voice surprises me and my hearts wasn't in space right now.

I clear my throat before I gave my response.

"Ahm! Why are you still not married?"

**********