Dex&Jensi

Chapter 12

Sorry I haven't wrote anything in a long time!!! I had a block and everything I wrote didn't feel good and I wasn't in the mood so I took a pause. 

I don't know how much time had past. I lost track of time after a bit. When all your days are spent in bed, crying and ignoring everyone, it's easy to lost count. I wasn't hungry and even though I couldn't get out of bed, my sleep schedule was messed up. At a moment I realised that it was my fault. If I had just saved him first, Jensi would've been just fine. He wouldn't be dead right now. My heart was heavy in my chest and my throat was tight all the fucking time. Some days, I just cried and cried and cried. I just know that when I woke up after a three hours sleep that Friday morning, Biana was there. 

"Look Dex, I don't know why you're like that. I get it, you feel responsible for Jensi's death but think about all the other people you've saved!"

She looked at me with hope in her eyes. I could see that she just wanted me to get up and be okay but I wasn't.

"They don't matter."

Sure, they did. I knew that and Biana knew that I knew. But I didn't want to admit that by saving the other people I had made people happy.

"That's not true! And the Dex I know would've never said that. Ever."

"Then, maybe, you don't really know me! Becaude that's what I think. They should've died and Jensi should've been alive."

I could see that I'd hurt her. But maybe then she would understand how I felt. Clearly, I was wrong.

"OH MY GOD! I am tired of this shit! You are such a big baby! What is it with you! Jensi's not the first person you've seen die! Why are you acting like this! When Fokle died wou weren't like that!"

I think I never saw Biana so mad before that day. Her face was bright red.

"You don't get it! You never lost a close one! Jensi was my boyfriend you dumbass!"

Pretty sure she was too angry by my first statement to process the fact that I'd just said that Jensi and I were in a relationship.

"REALLY?! How do you think I felt when my dad's memory was broken? When I thought Fitz had murdered Alvar? Uh? How do you think I felt?"

"But Alden came back! Sophie healed him! And Alvar was a traitor!"

"Still, there was a moment when my DAD was DEAD and Alvar wasn't a traitor all his life! Before that, he had been the big brother who took car of me and Fitz when our dad wasn't there! And that happened often!"

"YOU ARE-"

"I'm what? A spoiled princess from a perfect family who don't understand grief?"

"Yeah, you don't understand grief. Because if you did, you would've left me alone."

We were done after that. Biana was so mad that she slammed the door, wich had been replaced, apparently. And I, I was tired. 

A week passed. Nobody came to see me. I suspected Biana had warned everyone about how I talked to her. It didn't bother me. I needed time to think. I don't know about what. I felt mad at the entire world. Jensi for leaving me, the Black Swan for not being there when I needed them the most. I just wanted more time with him. I didn't get to tell him that I wasn't ashamed of him.  My mom came to see me. 

"Dex, we need to talk"