Still With You || Jungkook x Reader

Recording

The shoot wrapped up by late afternoon. We were back at the BigHit building. I grabbed a box of diced fruits from the cafeteria and parked myself at the library. Ae Ra wasn't free yet, so I'd wait for her here. I found myself browsing the DVD section. It was 2019 and we still had these. My laptop didn't even have a CD drive anymore. Well, I thought, as I took out Kill Bill Volume 1 from the shelf -

A pair of familiar eyes stared back at me darkly. Jungkook and I were standing on either side of the same shelf.

I had gone three whole days without seeing him in the building. And here we were meeting twice on the same effing day.

There was a knot forming in my throat. It hurt so much but I couldn't look away from him. His expressions were a lot more soft than I had anticipated them to be. I figured he was waiting for me to say something.

I was saved by a loud whisper from my right, "Ah, there you are!" Ae Ra unnie called out from across the aisle.

"Oh! You're here. Shall we go?" I squeaked back rapidly. I was painfully aware of Jungkook's eyes on me.

"Yeah, no - oh!" Ae Ra finally noticed Jungkook.

"Hi Noona," he said. She responded in kind and turned to me, "they're recording his solo, and you're supposed to shoot the behind the scenes right now," she said.

Oh great, I thought irritably.

"Why aren't you in the studio, though?" she asked Jungkook.

He ran his hand through his hair. "I came here to zone out for a bit..."

And I ruined it, I mentally completed the sentence for him. This was annoying. This is why Ji Hyuk oppa said to ignore it and get on with my life. And yet, I couldn't bring myself to regret a single moment I had spent with him in these last few weeks.

I entered the studio with my hands full - two tripods, three cameras, a reflector - and a light stand that Ae Ra carried.

Slumped on the chair was Hyowon sunbae - the legendary Pdogg. Jungkook stood next to him, leaning into the monitor as the former gave him instructions.

We weren't formally introduced, so Ae Ra unnie did the needful.

"Ah the infamous hakseng!" he exclaimed.

I furrowed my brow. Infamous? He waited until I put down all the gear to shake hands with me.

"I don't know who you've been talking to, sunbae-nim. But I'm pleased to finally meet you," I said brightly. He gave me a warm but mischievous smile. Jungkook was right behind him. I willed myself to ignore him.

I am okay, I told myself firmly.

"You wanna listen?" Hyowon sunbae offered me a pair of headphones. Jungkook was in the recording room, and while I didn't have the heart to hear him sing his emotions out in my ears, I knew it would be too awkward to refuse. After all, I had an indirect role in the songwriting process. I directed my frustration at the Harman Kardon headphones as I put them on. They cost about the same as my monthly pay, and made it sound as if he was literally singing in my ears. Way more personal than I could handle.

I was surprised to hear significant parts in English. Jungkook must have really stepped out of his comfort zone for this one. Was he okay recording in my presence?

We were separated by a soundproof glass pane. He was absorbed in the lyrics sheet in his hands, riffing the first verse in various ways. I was absorbed in looking at him through the camera screen. In my defense, there wasn't much to do - I'd set up one camera here and another in the recording room with him. The third hung around my neck, to take any stray shots as they came up.

"Okay, this sounds good," Pdogg called out, "let's move on to the chorus the way we practiced."

"Right," Jungkook said. It seemed he had chosen to ignore me completely, and I'd grown bold enough to watch him directly. There was an uncomfortable knot in my stomach, but he was such an earnest performer. I held on to every single expression, every little quiver in his voice as he sang, the embarrassed laughter when he made a mistake, the way his eyes shifted from his phone to sunbae to ceiling, biting his lip - OKAY this was getting out of hand.

His voice was sharp in my ears. Why am I alone in a different time and space?

I got a heart attack when his gaze pierced mine. I couldn't look away as he sang. Oh, I can't call ya, I can't hol' ya oh, I can't... Oh no, no this wasn't about me. Was it? There was a lump in my throat. He continued to sing the entire chorus with his eyes boring into my soul.

And so it continued. Mostly, he'd look at me. Sometimes away. Happy that we met each other

Now til' the very end.

So he had decided to torture me this way. I was the muse, evoking the longing he needed to show in the song. It really was my fault.

It had pretty much dawned on me the very next morning that it had been unfair of me to announce that we shouldn't date and walk off without letting him say anything. And in my own self-deprecating way I had concluded that he wouldn't really care after a while. Was I wrong?

Wrong or not, I couldn't take the look of betrayal he was shooting at me anymore. Oh, I will call ya

I will hol' ya

Oh I will

And yes you know, yes you know

Oh god. My mind was torn between wanting to hold him and wanting to run away.

Oh, I will call ya

I will touch ya

Oh, I will

And you know.

It genuinely felt like he was claiming me then. On top of every conflicting feeling, I now felt offended too. I don't doubt you, I thought, I doubt myself. I was the weak one.

Suddenly, he stopped singing. We stared at each other. His eyes were moist. Oh god. I was not okay. Hyowon sunbae cleared his throat loudly.

"That," he started slowly, "was probably the best take you have ever given." Nobody reacted. Not even Ae Ra. "Let's take a break!" he added, with a loud clap that broke the tension.

With trembling hands, I pressed a button on the camera to stop recording. I was really not okay.

"I'll be right back." I mumbled to the floor and rushed out of the studio.