(a gradual descent into insanity)
max, i like you.
i've always liked you.
i liked you ever since that first time i saw you in the woods.
you looked like you had emerged from the forest itself.
willowy and sunkissed and earthy.
we were eleven.
max, i think you're pretty.
not just pretty, but the most goddamn beautiful human i've ever seen.
bronze speckled skin. milk honeyed eyes. cocoa silk waves.
you're a fucking twilight vampire.
(but better)
because you glitter and shine in the darkness too.
max, you seem cool.
you make singular words, sentences.
And your fashion sense is just flannel perfection.
today in class you talked about how you thought canada was cool and that you wanted to move there someday.
and guess what. i like canada too.
max, today you copied me.
silly, silly boy.
i slung my ankle over my knee.
and you followed seconds later.
i read somewhere that you unconsciously mimic the actions of people you are interested in
or maybe it was the other way around
the action, not the fact
maybe i did that because you did and so i thought you did what i did.
that's probably it.
what a shame.
max, i know you won't read this.
i don't want you to. i'm writing this because i make a fucking poem for every goddamn person who occupies my heart a little longer than they're welcomed.
i don't know if i know you.
but i feel like i do.
i've watched your privated 2020 tiktok videos
saw your deleted instagram photos
listened to your spotify playlist
replayed that one youtube video you made
over
and over
AGAIN
And
Again
max, this is cruel.
why won't you talk to me.
i know you want to.
yesterday we made eye contact for approximately 0.7 seconds.
do you remember?
and today the way you stood from your chair
lingered a bit.
were you waiting to make eye contact again a second time?
what is this, daily dose of eye contact?
did you speak just a little louder today?
so i could hear what you liked to talk about?
was i supposed to join in?
am i overthinking it?
max. today i spent twenty minutes over my outfit and hair today.
did i just say today twice in a sentence?
max. talk to me. Or give me a chance to talk to you. God knows i want to talk to you. Let's just talk, okay? I want to know you?
max
max.
Max!
