my stories and poetry

family

                             As they walk i look at them but i cant smile. I look and stare and try to figure out why they look so happy, what im missing. My mind wonders to the darkest parts of my mind as i just stay back and watch as they smile and have a conversation with each other like there is no one around. I wish i could say i was apart of that but every time im around they dont smile like that. I watch and watch and study then it hits me. The reason their so happy because they forgot they had a daughter. No one seems to realize im gone and they dont seem to care either. I attempt to keep walking as i let my mind get the best of me. I attempt to not let my brother see me like this as my little brother keeps telling my mom look at where sister is at. My brother waits behind even tho i know he wants to be up there with them.

"Do you want me to stay back here with you or go up there?" he asks.

How much i wanna say "please stay with me" i cant because im not about to put my problems on him. I told myself i wasn't like my mother that i could handle myself.

"Go up there with the fam" was all i said.

"Whats wrong? You sound mad, or grumpy."

I couldn't help but smile because of course only my brother knows when something is wrong, he reminds me so much of my grandpa.

"Nothing is wrong bubba."

"You sound sad why are you sad?"

I just smiled as he ran up there with them. We continued walking up the road with not a look back from the "fam". My heart ache because i know thats not my family. How much i wanna be apart of this home. Its not my home. My grandpa was my home but i lost him. They continue to walk and all i can think about is how much im a disappointment i am to them. There like a perfect family without me but with me im just an outsider. As we continue to walk i realize that i am just an outsider. Im always gonna be the outsider because whats the point in being alike. As we turn around i can hear my brothers run towards me and i can see my little brother ahead of me. They are arguing about who first. they get ahead of me before i realized and then the thoughts come back and i try my hardest not to ball my eyes. Its like their in a glass ball and im just the child that not suppose to play with the ball. i hate it but its the truth.