Smoke Signals • EarthMix AU

CHAPTER 11: Flame

[ trigger warning: mentions of death, homophobia & physical abuse. please read at your own discretion. ]

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• Drew Holcomb & The Neighbors - What Would I Do Without You

• Brandi Carlile - Hiding My Heart

• David Choi - Deserve to Be

• Gabrielle Aplin - Home

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Mix used to think Jane is weak.

She was crying the very first time he saw her. It was on the neighborhood playground, a few months after Gun and Off brought him and his brothers home. If he closes his eyes now, Mix could still see an image of little Jane hunched over, trying to blow on a bruise on her knee, her small body shaking slightly as tears stream steadily on her face.

As the eldest child, it was in Mix's nature to be caring, so he did what he thought was right at that moment. He dismounted the swing he was on and approached the crying girl by the slide. Without hesitating, he asked her what was wrong.

Jane observes the boy. She'd been warned about the dangers of talking with strangers so she stared at him for a while, not really saying anything. When she finally decided that he's trustworthy, she slowly eases into her story. She tells the little boy that she snuck out during nap time because her parents never let her out, always afraid for her safety.

'Why?'

'My heart is weak. There's something wrong with it.'

Mix didn't really understand it, but he didn't say anything anymore. He remembers asking little Jane if she wants to go home and she nodded through her tears. Mix felt the need to carry her but knows he couldn't. He's small. He couldn't already carry Win, and the little girl looks bigger than his brother. They'd probably topple over if he tries. So, he approached his papa, who was surprised to find his little son holding the hand of a crying little girl, asking him if they could go with Jane to her house.

They've arrived to Jane's mother looking frantic and saw her immediately looking relieved when she finally spotted her daughter. Jane hid behind Off, one hand tugging at his shirt before she lets go to embrace her mom, apologizing as she did. Papa Off explained what happened, and after getting her bruise cleaned and bandaged, he decided to stay with Jane's parents so the kids could get acquainted, too.

For the first time ever, Jane had someone to talk to.

She told Mix that at night, she could hear her parents crying. She told him about her check-ups; about doctors prodding her arm with needles and her chest being hooked up with these scary things that kind of send what feels like electricity coursing through her body. She said it tingles; makes her uncomfortable. But her parents tell her she needs it to be strong. And Jane, despite her protestations, also wants to feel stronger.

Finally, Jane told Mix that she's tired of seeing her parents always afraid. When Mix asked her why, she responded with: 'Because it makes me afraid,'

When they were old enough to understand things, Jane learned that she has to live with this condition all her life; that there is no escaping it. She has resigned to her fate but vowed to make the most of her life. Her diagnosis says nothing about her strength; none of the fight and grit she has embodied in order to endure her illness.