#WDIW1
"Was it love? Or was it the memories? Alin sakanila ang rason kung bat dimo mabitawbitawan?"
Love? I don't even know if i'm capable of feeling such emotion. Then maybe it was the memories?
Afterall, Peyan let me experienced how a mature relationship works and how it feels, so maybe it was because of that. A relationship that was build by trust, bond and not by a sexual approach.
But he was also the first one to make me doubt myself.
Every night i ask myself, was i not enough? Was i not giving him the attention? Or was i too much?
Days turned to Weeks, Weeks turned to Months, Months that turned into years and i still couldn't get him off my head completely, sometimes i just want to talk to him, ask him why but in the end of the day , i find myself backing away and deleting the words that i intended to say.
So maybe it was the memories
Yeah, baka nga dahil dun. Dahil alam ko sa sarili ko na, i'm not capable of such emotion.
Yes i longed for it when i was a child,
yes i crave for it,
but after months turned into years turned to a decade, it's hard not to give up. Well maybe because i realized that, there are just things that we need to let go, we need to give up, that aren't worth the pain.
" yeah maybe it was the memories Hahaha, welp i could always find a new guy!" Tsk, sino ba niloloko ko? Sarili ko? Kaibigan ko?
" gago " and she laughed.
" welp anyway, i really need to go! Chat you later???" And when she nodded, i ended the call, turned off my status and curled up in the corner of my room.
Diko alam kung ilang minuto ako nanatiling ganun bago maisipang magbrowse sa safari for some inspirational quotes and when i was done looking, i turned off my phone, got my note, a pen and started to scribble some ideas.
"It is sad not to love, but it is sadder not to be able to love - Miguel de Unamuno"
"It's better to have loved and lost than never have loved at all- alfred Lord Tennyson
Among all the quotes that i read, etong dalawa ang tumatak sa isipan ko. My dumb brain was about to argue to these two but i remembered that love comes in different forms.
Pero alam ko sa pinakadulo ng pagkatao ko , i want to be love/d,
i want to be appreciated by my family,
i want to share a meal with them.
Was it too much too ask?
Was i being selfish?
What should i even do?
Mama's already happy and as for my father, i don't know. Maybe he's contented? Satisfied? I don't know, and maybe if i know diko alam kung may magagawa ba ako.
Ahh I'm tired skksjs, thinking about these thoughts makes me tired. Maybe it's time for me to rest my mind.
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Hey so! Jsjsjs sobrang boring but yung mga nakalagy diyan are my battles andd i want to share it to u guys HHAHAHA sana di kayo madamay jsksjss thank's for reading!!
