Noori √

T w e l v e

Pehle kyun na mile hum
Tanha hi kyun Jale hum
Milke muqammal hue hain
Yaa the tanha bhale hum
Saware.. saware.. saware...
Na humaara Hua na tumhara huaa
Ishq ka ye sitam na gawara huaa

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I'm tired of fighting, slaying all the dragons I know I'm not alone in this, I want to win this fight cause my heart and my body can only take so much it is charred with scars given by those dragons, each time I'm trying to fight I'm only falling deeper into the dark pit.

Where is the magic, in which I have always believed? When someone will come to rescue me?

My demons are constantly whispering in my ear, constantly reminding me that I'm nothing and I'm not sure for how long I can hold off for how long I can ignore and not believe what they are telling me.

These days it is becoming harder and harder for me to let the happiness settle in because I'm afraid that the ghosts are standing right outside the door and when I start to let myself enjoy they will come and snatch it away taking away the last shred of it.

How am I supposed to think straight when my demons won't let me?

"Mihika, what are you doing out here?" Maa's voice pulls me out of my train of thoughts.
I realized it has started pouring I ran inside the house"I...I uh didn't realize it was raining".

"What is wrong Mihika, something is bothering you," Maa says bringing a towel for me.
"I honestly don't know anymore" I answered back.

I don't know what is bothering me more Anay being gone or me feeling something towards Viraj or maybe both of them.

"Talk to me Mihika, this is not like you" Maa goes on making circles on my knuckles, her warm hands giving me a soothing feeling.
"Maa, I'm standing at a two-way street, and I don't know in which direction I belong" my eyes welling up with tears.
"It's simple Mihika, ask what your heart wants and you will get the answer," she says smiling.
"Only if it was that easy Maa" my voice got small and broke down.

"Listen Mihika, you can only hold onto the memories of Anay so tight but you cannot let those stop you from living your life, moving on finding someone who would fill that void you feel," she said.

"I know this won't be easy for you, but sweetheart you have your whole life in front of you, and at some point in time everyone needs someone" she adds.
"I know Maa, I'm not ready to let go of Anay" I replied as a soft sob escapes my mouth.
"Meri Bachi, Anay is already gone all you have his memories and I'm not saying to let them go always remember that cherish those but you also need to find happiness for yourself" she continues.

I nodded she gives a kiss on my head "you better sleep now" she says and leaves for her room.
I got up and went into my room, it was getting a bit chilly here now also it is been raining for a whole week, which reminds me I haven't seen Viraj didn't even call I just couldn't bring myself to go see him though I have been taking updates from Kabir.

I lied down on the bed looking at the ceiling which has stars and moon they twinkle when we turn the light off, Maa never changed my room it is been the same since I was a kid I was obsessed with these stars and moon.

People say time heals everything but what if it doesn't, I have cried shed tears from the day I lost Anay. Everything inside me is getting desolated day by day though we meet often whenever I close my eyes but lately, that image is getting blurred almost like the mind is trying to replace it with some other person's face.