[INTRO]
RUBY: The following is a fan-based parody! Hellsing Ultimate is owned by Kouta Hirano and Studio Madhouse, and licensed by Geneon, Madman Entertainment, Manga Entertainment, and Funimation! Please support the official release!
[open on White Fang vampires snacking on corpses]
"Those damn monsters" Yang cursed out watching the gory scene.
Ruby's face was pale as she desperately tried to keep her lunch in.
FANG GRUNT: Gruber?
GRUBER: Hmm?
FANG GRUNT: ..Are we bad people?
Weiss jaw-dropped at that question "ar-are they really asking that?!" Weiss said incredulously.
"Well we already knew these guys weren't the smartest of the bunch," Roman said, "this is just proof."
"Of course, your bad people!" Ruby said childishly.
GRUBER: [swallows] It's a matter of perspective, really.
FANG GRUNT: From these men's perspective?
GRUBER: Oh, absolutely! But, to be fair.. I think we kind of tipped that Jenga tower by being Fangs in the first place.
"Oh, yeah, definitely," Yang said.
FANG GRUNT: Ya, ya.. I guess the whole 'eating them' is just.. salt on the wound.
GRUBER: Agh, don't say 'salt' to me! These mercs are so bland! They could use- [Ruby opens gunfire on them]
RUBY: How's THAT for some SALT?! [silence] ..UGH! God D**N it! What's the point of comin' up with all these one-liners if'n they're all dead when I say 'em?!
"It wasn't a really good one-liner to begin with," Yang told Ruby who started pouting.
"But it's okay Big Sister Yang will teach you how to make good puns". she said before cuddling Ruby who tried to get out of her sister's vice-like grip. While the rest of the team smiled at Yang's and Ruby's childish behavior.
FANG GRUNT: [outside] To be fair, it wasn't really that funny to begin with!
RUBY: [shoots through the offending grunt] It's a matter of perspective, really.
"That's gonna be a running gag this episode isn't it?" Qrow asked Taiyang.
"Sounds like it" Taiyang answered.
[OPENING TITLECARD]
OSCAR: B Wing! What's your location?
MILLER: HR department!
OSCAR: And your status?
MILLER: You ever been fisted up to the elbow before?
OSCAR: ..Jaffe, I could use your expertise!
"Okay, what the hell does that guy's search history look like?" Yang said.
"Why do you want to know?" Weiss asked.
"Well it would be an explanation for the guy's weird taste!" Yang said.
JAFFE: Hey, FUCK YOU, man!
OSCAR: Read the room! [to Miller] So.. I'm guessing you're in some shit!
