Coming Out: My Story

Courage

There she is, across the lunch room. She always gets there before me. Common on, Shy... I took a deep breath and walked in.

"Hey, are you ready to get lunch? The line is short so we better get it now," I said as Derek gave me a weird look. I shook my head no and mouthed I'm not ready to him. I'm really not. I've beeb anxious all day waiting for lunch. I was going to ask her before classes started but I chickened out. "Go figure. How do you expect to actually date her if you can't even ask her out without your friend's help?" Sunny usually goes away by now but apparently not today. It's probably because I'm so stressed. Not only about Cassandra but we are also preparing for midterms. Barf. I'm not the best test taker, although I know the material and I know that I'm smart. I just can not focus on anything. I would doodle while taking the test but I only have so much time and I would get detention if i was caught, which I would be no matter what.

"Sooooo... Shy, wasn't there something you wanted to talk to Cass about? Anything at all?" Derek had his hands behind his back and was rocking back and forth, giving me this weird look that I didn't understand at all. Is he trying to tell me something? I tried thinking back to the facial expressions sheets my therapist has shown to me but I don't think I've seen that face before. "No? I- I don't think I know what you're talking about...?" I responded, perplexed.

He raised a brow, "I'm pretty sure you wanted to ask her something." Oh... The question...

"You guys are acting funny." Cass laughed and I could tell we were making her a little nervous. I should just ask but I cant. Instead I looked at the floor pattern. Brown, white, stripe, black. Over and over i repeated the pattern. It makes me feel better. I exchanged a look with Derek and then took a deep breath. "I messaged you but you obviously didn't see it and, you know, that's fine. I asked you if you wanted to be my girlfriend?" God, why am I so awkward.

She smiled, which surprised me, "Yeah. I would actually love that." I knew she'd say no... Wait- I-"Really?" She nodded and shrugged a little. "The thought crossed my mind a few times, actually" I couldn't help but to hide my smile as I grabbed my tray. "I've been wanting to ask you out from day one, actually. I thought you were cute and we both love a lot of the same things." I can't believe she said yes and we are talking about it now. "Don't start obsessing, now" an unnamed voice said. I do that don't I? I just don't really understand how people get passed things so easily. I'm happy and I wanna be happy but I'm apparently obsessive when I'm happy.

Let it go.

"How is class today?" I feel bad because as soon as I asked I zoned out. She is just so pretty and funny and I love it all.