this one's about you

i said it was the distance

i said it was the distance
but really i meant my brain doesn't work anymore
and it's not fair to you that i don't remember
i said it was the distance
but really
if i pushed you away first
then you couldn't leave like everyone is in my life right now
my grandpa my godmother
my best friends are hours away my family too
i said it was the distance
but really i was having a (then) undiagnosed mental health crisis
and i needed help
i said it was the distance
because someone close to me caught my infatuation
and that's not fair to you
no nothing happened
but that doesn't mean i didn't want it to
i said it was the distance
because i couldn't make you understand the culture of where i was
and it wasn't fair of me to think you would understand
i said it was the distance
because distance does ache
and there's never not going to be distance
god i've never loved someone more than i loved you
than i love you
i'm still in love with you
i said it was the distance
but i know i gave up too quickly
i stopped trying
i should've tried
i said it was the distance
but it's because i'm not good enough for you