oneshots || oneus

‗ ❍「TRIGGERED 」¡! ❞

ship : Seoho x Leedo
word count : 1515
warnings : suc*de attempt

"Why would you show this piece of crap to me. You know I'm easily triggered!" Leedo yelled in his face slamming the piece of paper down.

Tears pricked his eyes but he dare not let them fall. He had to use all his strength to keep his smile from fading but it did go stale. His heart shattered but he had to block out the sound somehow.

"I'm sorry I love you," he muttered picking up the sheet of paper and heading towards the door head hanging low.
"Hey, Seo..Ho.." Ravn tried to stop him as the others stared at him walking out the heavy glass doors, stunned about what just happened.

Quite frankly they liked the writing on the piece of paper. They didn't know why Leedo reacted that way but they could tell Seoho was hurt. Even if he refused to admit it. They didn't know why he didn't admit Leedo's words hurt him. Maybe if he did Leedo would ponder before he spoke.

The hours ticked by but his mind was blank. He stared at the piece of paper in front of him.
"Think Seoho, think!" He told himself repeatedly. Even if he did have an idea his brain wouldn't form enough words to write it down. His hands were shaking and he sobbed for hours straight, banging his head on the table, feeling like he'll give himself brain damage.

He locked himself up in that room for days with minimum food and water just enough to not die. Every once in a while one of the younger boys would pop their head in to ask him if he'd like to eat something but he always said he was full with the brightest smile on his face.

The paper in front of him was covered in blood splatters from his nose from repeatedly banging his head on the table. He was exhausted and hungry, the only sleep he got was when he got so tired he passed out.

He was frustrated beyond comprehend. He didn't know how he'd live without being able to write so the only thing left to do was die. He got up and headed to his little cupboard making sure to lock the door as he did.

He rummaged through his things until he finally found the bright pink blade he had hid for "emergency purposes". Maybe this qualified as one of those emergencies. He was tired of crying and crying and crying all day long wondering why his hands won't let him do the one hobby he loved so dearly. Was the hurt so bad that he couldn't function anymore.

It hurt. He wanted it to just be over with. He was 25 years old, how much more could he possibly want to live. He closed his eyes and dug the blade in his wrist mumbling a small "it hurts" as he dragged it along his forearm. Using his blood as ink to scribble "I love you" on the already blood splattered page and adding a smiley face for good look.

Ravn was frantically looking for him. He didn't know why but he kept feeling like Seoho was in danger. He knew the male hadn't eaten properly and he wanted to see him but to his surprise the door was locked.
"Seoho! Seoho! Seoho! Open the door please!"

He banged on the door the faint red from the frosted glass door catching his eyes as he hastily tried to turn the locked handle. He knew he had very little time. He took Dongju's hair pin and started picking the lock, asking their manager to call an ambulance.

He made a big fuss. Feeling like he should've done it a while ago. He pushed the door open and rushed over to a bleeding Seoho. Both his arms had been cut and slashed up. His nose was bleeding and his forehead was bruised. Ravn picked Seoho up and ran to the front door not waiting for the medics to come in. He had to be taken to a hospital as soon as possible or it might just be too late.

His clothes were drenched in blood as he tried to get some sort of response out of him. But eventually had to let go. He had to let the professionals take him and tend to the boys. How would they ever recover from this. They were all grown but he still thought if them as his little boys.

"Ravn...Seo...Seo...blood...I..." Leedo was shaking badly. His last words to Seoho were "Why would you show this piece of crap to me. You know I'm easily triggered." He didn't even say I love you back to Seoho and now he might just never ever hold him again. Or talk to him, or laugh with him.

He touched the desk looking at the I love you page. Normally it would have triggered him but he held it to his chest. This might just be Seoho's last message to him he couldn't let go of it. He sat on the couch. Folding it neatly with shaking hands.

Ravn rubbed his shoulder. He couldn't bring himself to say anything. They couldn't even clean the blood up. They all just stared at it blankly. They knew he was banging his head on the table from the bruise on his forehead.

"I just I.. I...I'm... sorry..." Leedo got up and rubbed his eyes, wiping away stray tears. "I'm going to go, I wasn't there when he closed his eyes... I'd at least like to be there when..if he opens them." Leedo took a deep breath his car keys jingling as he left the building, sitting down in his car.

He did not want to think. All he wanted was to, hold Seoho, hear him sing, watch him dance, hold him and kiss him. The tears flowed down his cheek without a stop. He parked in the parking lot of the hospital and cried his heart out.

How could he have been so blind. He didn't want to lose the love of his life for ever. He wondered why Seoho beat himself so hard. To the point he decided to take his own life. Was it really the only way possible. Why did he not come to him?

He didn't know. But he knew, it may seem pointless to everyone else but it did matter to Seoho. It hurt him, broke him down to the point he decided to take his own life. How he faked smile those two weeks so people wouldn't worry, so he wouldn't feel like a burden. The world was cruel to him. Leedo was cruel.

He walked inside with swollen eyes. He had to wait outside the room till the doctors said he could go in. His leg bounced on its own as he tried to not think of the worse. But even then he needed to hold Seoho. Even if it was for the last time he just wanted to press his head against Seoho's chest and lay there for a while. Like he did when he was having a hard time.

Once the doctor said he could go in he wasted no time. The monitor showed a faint heartbeat. He couldn't die. He didn't want to lose the only boy that ever understood him. It wasn't happening.
"Seoho...I love you..." He mumbled softly climbing into the bed next to him, carefully placing Seoho's arm around himself. He could hear the doctor's whispers talk to Ravn. The others were here too.

He hesitantly placed his head on Seoho's chest. The faint, slow, off beat heartbeat crushing his hopes. How he wished he was kinder. How he wished seoho would just wake up and caress his hair, call him his little angel and kiss his forehead.
"I love you... Seoho..."

He had been asleep, exhausted from the draining event when he felt someone's hand caress his hair. He woke up instantly. His puffy eyes meeting with Seoho's. His lips curled into a tired but loving smile. Leedo tried not to burst into tears again.

"I love you so so so so so so so much, please...please...don't leave me...ever.." Leedo requested holding onto the older male tightly, shaking and sobbing. Seoho knew his body would never be the same again. The doctor had already conveyed the message he'd be shaky, and his nervous system is very sensitive due to the constant stress on his brain. But he was alive. And seeing Leedo hold onto him like that, he was kind of glad he was alive.

"Shhh, it's okay, it's okay baby, I'm here with you no no need to cry okay." Seoho took deep breaths. His heartbeat increasing, syncing into a rythm. He pecked Leedo's forehead.
"I'm so sorry for everything, I'm so so sorry Seoho. I love you so so so much, I can't.. I can't.. do this without you, I...I.."

"Shhh, you don't need to apologize for anything, you did nothing wrong and I'm here with you okay." He caressed the other's cheek, kissing his nose with a soft smile. "I'm not leaving."