Supernatural fluff

Its Okay to not be okay (Castiel x reader angsty fluff)

TW!! Depression.

It had been a normal day with the boys. Dean, Sam and Cas. Of course normal for them. Shitty for you. With the boys you tried so hard to keep up with their breakneck pace. It was obvious, they were talented in the art of hunting. You werent as extravagant. Or so you thought. Truly you were brilliant. You were quick on your feet and your plans although some fell through. They were flawless to a fault. You retained information like it was nothing. Maybe you werent skilled weapons wise and you didn't really like the bloody part of the job but sure as hell. You were a skilled hunter. You had fallen into a pit of depression recently. You hadn't been sleeping, you barely ate. You were trapped in your own thoughts. You were forcing yourself to be okay.  You felt you were a crappy part of the team and you couldn't do a thing right. Today had been hell for you. You, Sam, Dean and Cas had been studying up on a foe any of you had not fought before. The boys found stuff left and right but you were stumped. You powered through. 

Your so stupid! Find something it isn't that hard.  Why cant you just be like them! THIS IS WHY DAD NEVER FUCKING LOVED US

You feel hot tears begin to well in your eyes. Your father. A 'hunter' more like an educated abusive heavy drinker. He was a terrible father. That's why you strived to be like Sam and Dean. They were someone their dad would've been proud of. Why couldn't you make your dad proud. Even with your father dead and gone you fought tooth and nail just to show him even if that meant concealing your emotions all your days and forcing yourself to just be okay.

You began to cry at that moment. You stood up abruptly, all three pairs of eyes followed you out of the room. You could faintly hear their voices. Probably talking about how unprofessional of you that was and how you were good for nothing. You break into a run for your room. once inside you sit on the floor sobbing. It had been a few minutes when you heard the utter of feathers fluttering. Someone gently picked you up. Placing you on your bed.

You open your eyes to see Cas. His calm and collect face was a God send (not literally, sorry chuck). You force a smile. He frowned.

"Y/N.. i can hear your thoughts. You don't have to be okay. I heard everything back in the library" you blink. Shit. 

"You can?!" you utter "sadly yes. i can. its quite overwhelming at times but i can hear your thoughts" he says flatly and moves next to you on the bed. you sniffle and wipe a stray tear "oh."

He puts an arm around you, he was obviously not great at this but he tried. He pulled you into him, tracing enochian down your arm until he got to your hand. He took it in his, intertwining fingers with you as he had seen Dean do many of times

"Y/n, I heard what you said about your father.. i don't know what the situation was but i know you are brilliant. You are as they say, a joy to be around. I happen to be a celestial being and i really don't have a concept for feelings but i can feel how much Dean and Sam care for you. i know it does not cure what it is that burdens you but its a start. We all have things in our lives that we regret. Even I regret things."  he turned his head to you "No one is perfect. i should know. So don't strive to be perfect, you will hurt yourself that way. Strive to be the best version of your self it a much better option. But for now, you need sleep" He took two fingers and gently placed them between your eyes and you fell into a deep slumber. You were feeling better when you woke. Castiel was still there, his eyes closed and jaw resting. He wasn't asleep, just resting but his comfort put your mind at ease for just a while longer.