Stiles' Inner Demon[Sterek Fanfic]

Chapter 9

Stiles had been in the hospital for a straight week, crying and recovering, not only from his head injury but being refused by Derek multiple times. Stiles hadn’t seen Derek the night he asked for a kiss, and thought maybe it was better that they didn’t see anymore of each other. Scott had been to the hospital a couple of times with Allison, but Stiles couldn’t bear the sight of seeing them together. They had what he’d been striving all his life for: a companion, a mate. Stiles would always complain about needing rest, and at that, Scott and Allison said there farewells. 

On Stiles’ first day home, Officer Stilinski cooked the promise food they were supposed to have on the day of the accident: a couple of grilled steaks and baked potatoes. Stiles wasn’t hungry though. In fact, he had refused to eat the hospital food for days, just staring blankly at the white tiled ceiling. 

Although Stiles was alive, he felt lifeless. The demon voice inside of his head never appeared again after the accident, and after his first dinner home(he had only eaten a bite of meat and a glass of orange juice), Stiles headed up for his bed, leaving all the lights off and lying across of it, staring at the ceiling. A light patter of rain broke out against the window, putting Stiles at ease for a moment before he finally closed his tear filled eyes and fell asleep. 

The next day, Stiles’ father drove him in the cruiser to school. His jeep was still in the shop and wouldn’t be ready for weeks because of the engine. When he arrived, everyone treated him like a celebrity, asking questions about the accident and Stiles unwrapped the bandages to show him the long gash on his forehead that people awed over. He was the talk of the town apparently, and even Lydia had given him a hug when Stiles seen her walking down the hallway with Jackson. He on the other hand, just waited by Lydia’s side like a puppy dog, too good to make conversation. He had often scoffed at some points of Lydia and Stiles’ conversation about the Chemistry assignment they had been given when he was in the hospital. They chatted the entire break and Stiles really didn’t know how to feel about the Lydia situation. On one hand, she was pretty and their were still feelings for her, but their were more stronger and deeper feelings he still had for Derek. Derek was all that Stiles could think of. 

School had panned out to be the same for almost a month, and Stiles was still in a depressive state. His father no longer pondered for an answer about his mood swings, assuming that it had something to do with the accident. But it wasn’t. It was all about Derek. And he couldn’t talk to anyone about his feelings, and Stiles sometimes wished he had his demon to talk to. At least with the voice inside of his head, he wasn’t alone. And lately, Stiles had spent most of his time alone, lying in his bed, covered in a shade of darkness. 

The weekend came, and the officer was called in to horde off a gang of delinquents at the mall, leaving Stiles alone in the living room, watching more Adventure Time. The show lifted up his mood, but only for a while. Stiles had contemplated for days to visit Derek but he couldn’t take any more disappointment and rejection. Still, maybe if he were to see Derek it would help with the pain. 

Stiles had nothing to do all day, so he jumped on his bike and took a long ride to the Hale house. It had taken him almost two hours to enter the off road path leading deep into the forest, until stopping at the porch steps. He was wearing just a light shirt and khaki shorts that he found on the bottom of his closet. Stiles walked up to the door but before ringing the doorbell, the front door swung open, and Derek stood there wearing only a pair of gray sweatpants. Even though he still felt anger for Derek, he couldn’t help but hide a small smirk peeking at the tip of his lips. 

“What do you want?” Derek asked, harshly, looking pass Stiles, through him as if he were just a ghost. 

“I ---” Stiles had memorized a speech he was going to use but the words wouldn’t come out. “Can I come in?” Stiles stuttered. 

“No.” Derek said. 

Stiles had anticipated that answer, but hoped that it wasn’t. Stiles had lowered his head, nodding. Even when he knew the outcome: and it wasn’t good, Stiles still made a fool of himself and showed up at his house. 

“Who’s at the door, Derek?” a woman voice came from behind Derek, near the kitchen. Stiles’ head jolted up, and saw the young brunette nurse who had been taking care of him at the hospital. Stiles’ nose flared into a bright pink and his cheeks grew red. He glared at Derek, who had his head down. 

Derek had lied when he called Stiles beautiful. Stiles thought that Derek had the real prize in back of him, and felt repulsed that he wasn’t more good looking. Stiles walked backwards, and when he reached the steps, turned around swiftly, picking up his bike and pedaling home as fast as he could. 

“Stiles!” called Derek, but Stiles was already a mile off, with another accident on his mind. 

Stiles biked out of the forest and onto the road. His vision was blurry because of the tears falling from his eyes. Stiles could hear a horn blaring and hoped that it was one coming towards him, to smash him and kill him on impact. 

Stiles closed his eyes and pedaled faster into the pathway of the speeding car. Then, there was a crash. Stiles felt around for blood, but he was still on his bicycle in an upright position. He opened his eyes and looked into a pair of red eyes. No matter how much strength Derek had then him, Stiles let go of the handlebars and punched Derek repeatedly in the chest. 

“You bastard!” Stiles cried. “I fucking hate you, you mother fucker! Let me go so I can find a car to crash into me.”

Derek picked Stiles up from his bike, and carried him to the car, leaving his bike on the side of the street. Stiles clawed, punched, and slapped his way out, but Derek kept a firm grasp around the young boy. 

“Let me go, you fucking bastard! How could you?!”

When Derek was near his car, he dropped Stiles on his feet and slammed him against the vehicle. He stared into Stiles’ eyes fiercely, gritting his teeth. When Stiles realized, they were both breathing heavily, and although Stiles didn’t have werewolf hearing, he could have sworn that he could hear Derek’s heart beating rapidly in his chest. 

“Listen to me!” Derek yelled; his voice cracked. Stiles stared into his eyes and found that Derek was crying. “I love you, don’t you get it?! I want to be with you but I can’t ---” Derek said strained, “because you’re too good for me, okay? Is that what you want me to confess to stop you from killing yourself? I fucking love you, Stiles but no one is going to approve of our relationship: Scott, your father, society . . . I can’t be with you because once I pick a mate, there is no one that either of us can be with but each other! You don’t deserve me, Stiles! You deserve someone better than me! And I won’t let you give your life to me. I love you too much to do it. And Heather, your nurse! I called her over to check up on your condition! Nothing else!”

Stiles was utterly shocked at what he had heard. Derek --- he loved him, and that was almost enough to get Stiles breathless. It felt like Stiles was going to pass out, and Derek held him up by the waist, closing the gap between them, bringing them chest to chest. 

“If you mean what you said, that you want to be with me,” Derek continued, “then when I kiss you, no one else will be able to kiss your lips, and if they do . . . I would have to kill them. Is that the life that you want, Stiles? To be with me forever, to only love one person for the rest of your life? To be in a relationship with a --- a murderer for the rest of your life?”

Stiles stared deeply into Derek’s eyes; the both of them were crying.  

“No.” answered Stiles.