1-1-1

•Eno

    1-1-1. Those numbers symbolize love... Love. Sigh.. If only I could have found love while I had the chance.

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     As I walked down the hall of our base with a drained and empty look, a figure walked up to me. A very familiar figure, at that. The only darkness which had managed to comfort me, but I could no longer express how blessed I was to have him in my life. "Noelle... hey! Wanna join me in my training session? If you don't that's totally okay!" The no magic idiot, Asta, blurted out with that enthusiastic smile of his. Forget "no magic idiot," it's more like "the moron who managed to steal my heart..." well, the "heart that no longer exists."

    It was weird. It was like i still had feelings for him, but i couldn't feel emotions anymore. I didn't quite know what love was. I saw him and didn't start blushing like crazy. I saw him and didn't even return a smile. I saw him and he just looked like everyone else to me, a dark figure... But that doesn't mean I couldn't tell the difference between his darkness and everyone else's. It's too hard to explain, so i'll let you figure out his darkness on your own. Oh, but back to what Asta was saying.

I stood there, getting lost in a dark void, unable to concentrate. He waited for a reply as his smile slowly faded. He made a face that said "Oh..." as if he'd remembered I was going through... some stuff- but worse than just "stuff." He brought his hand to the back of his head and forced a smile, "Hey, listen, if you need anyone to talk to, i'm always here for ya! Not just me... but the entire squad! We're like family, so you can..." I had walked away. His face confused and sad as his eyes watched me leave, but he was definitely feeling something in that moment that no one could explain. The whole time he was talking i just stood there, expression-less, waiting for someone, anyone, to hold me; to love me. And if i had to choose... I'd choose him.

My brother, Nozel, had died in the war against the Spade Kingdom. And not just him. Captain William had sacrificed himself to save Captain Yami, even though Captain Yami was stuck in a coma after that, and no one knew how long it would last. Kahono... my first best friend that was a girl. She died saving me. I still miss her. I still miss Kiato. I still miss my brother. I missed my old life. Tell me, why did that have to happen? All i wanted was to find happiness, and i did... but the darkness stole that away from me. I couldn't stand it. I couldn't stand the darkness, but even so i got trapped in it's void, surrounded by it. There was nothing i could do.

That was why i needed someone to save me.

But how could i tell anyone when i couldn't even express how i was feeling. I could hardly talk, but the most i could manage to spit out in a low whisper would be "save me," and no one would've understood what i meant by that. No one would've understood that i needed to be loved, not even him. And he was the most understanding person i'd ever met. He brought us, the broken, together... even though we'd just ended up being separated in the end.

Ah, I'm sorry. I do that sometimes. I vent all of my thoughts randomly, sometimes to my husband. It reminds me of my dark past, so i really don't like it. But it's hard to avoid, it's like the darkness has been following my whole life and just wont won't leave me the hell alone.  I'm really tired of remembering those days, i just wanted to be happy back then.

I don't see what i did to deserve the horror that accompanied me for my whole life.

.Noelle Silva
11/5/1646