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•Owt

I remember this day a little too well...

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"Im tired..." I thought to myself as a laid in bed on my back. I raised an arm to the ceiling, then i quickly brought it back down and hugged myself. "Now im cold..." I really never knew what i was saying. Oh, did i mention that the events in this happened one week after i last wrote about events in this book? Yeah, it was a long week of darkness and isolation. I avoided Asta. Or did he avoid me? I couldn't tell.

All i knew was that the only times i saw him was for dinner, and he hadn't even showed up for dinner everyday anyway. I could tell he really cared and tried. Even though i was unable to speak, he kept saying "goodmorning" and "goodnight." But each day he got less enthusiastic. That was something i had noticed, and how could i not? The only thing that'd made his darkness different from the others' was his positive and lively spirit. And yet, i noticed that the color surrounding him became darker each day.

I had sat in my room for hours, crying, reminiscing, which is surprising to me because i couldn't feel emotions back then. Suddenly i'd gotten up and wiped away my tears, deciding it was time to do something about all this.

Even though i had walked out of the base with confidence, thinking that everything would change that day, i ended up sitting in rain by Kahono's grave. "Good rain always knows the best time to fall..." I thought to myself. I sat there, no thoughts or feelings, just emptiness.
I randomly had the urge to talk.

"Ka...hono." I sighed and felt tears getting ready at the brims of my eyes just by saying her name, "How are you? I hope you're living a beautiful life up there. How's it down here? Oh, I don't know. Its... same as always, i guess. Listen, i miss you. I can still hear your songs sometimes. It warms my heart. I miss when we'd all hangout together. Me, you, Kiato, and Asta. Remember him? I don't think he's doing so good. And it's my fault. Its all my fault. If i had been stronger none of this would've-" A crack of thunder interrupted me as if Kahono was sending me a message, trying to tell me that it wasn't my fault. I sniffled, and wiped away the tears that rolled down my cheeks. I forgot an umbrella, so i sat shivering under the cold air and raindrops.

"Help me, Kahono. I don't know what to do. I miss my family, i miss my friends, i miss you, i miss... him. Help me turn this world back to the way it was. If i don't to something about this soon, then... I'll end up killing myself. And i dont want that. I cant have that. I want to live. I want to have a family of my own someday. Before i die, i want to give others life. I need other people to love themselves, not isolate themselves as i did. Go outside, greet everyone you see, eat a healthy meal 3 times a day, get 8 hours of sleep every night, fall in love..." I sighed and smiled faintly, "i'll never regret falling in love. But most importantly, never stop smiling. Always be the light at the of the tunnel for others... How silly am i... i don't even do these things, and yet im complaining about how i want others to. Maybe im just thinking too much about him. I mean, i just perfectly described him... until recently, at least. I... really wish he could go back to normal. Who am i kidding, why can't I go back to normal?"

I wiped my tears away and put my hands in a praying postiton, "Dear heavens, please let me make the right decisions from here on out. Let me save the lives of those that i love. Let me keep this love that I have for him, deep within my soul, and i pray that it will all come out at the right time. And if I can't have that, please grant me the ability to speak to Kahono once more, even if its the last thing i do before i join her..."

I waited a few seconds before sighing and thinking, "How naive of me. No matter how much I pray, none of it will come true..." I sniffled as I finished with my negative thoughts, and heard another crack of thunder. I closed my eyes, taking in the moment. "Perhaps its my time to go..." I was suddenly blinded through my eye lids as a i opened them and was greeted with a colorful rainbow, full of life and love. A ray of sun climbed down from the heavens as the dark and stormy clouds disappeared and opened up a beautiful, gold cloud. It seemed as though something was reaching down to me as the ray of sun perfectly surrounded my figure. I sighed in awe, "I wish the others could see this."

"Noelle..." I quickly gasped and looked around, knowing i had heard someone call my name. I looked around for some time before finally attempting to convince myself, "No... i would be able to sense their mana. Just stop overreacting, Noelle." I told myself in a low whisper.

"Noelle! Just close your eyes..." It was such a calming and nostalgic voice that i hadn't been paying attention to what it was saying. I questioned everything that was going on. Had i really heard someone call my name? What was that nostalgic feeling? Perhaps i was already dead and i just didn't realize it.

In the midst of my thoughts, a blinding light opened up another layer of clouds in the sky, and this time my vision was blinded too. "Gah..!" I tried blocking the light with my hand, but the whole world seems to be corrupted by the light, and i had no way to stop it. I stumbled backwards as a pair of comforting arms wrapped around me. I sighed, all of my worries melting away in this mysterious touch. I closed my eyes, before i let the light claim me.

And then, my vision went black.

.Noelle Silva
11/12/1646