Something New Blooms

Chapter 4

Keanu beats me to Starship Point. When I walk up, he's already sitting on the ground, holding his knees to his chest as usual, his dark eyes staring off into the distance. I wonder what he's thinking about.

Once, I would've been able to tell just from the tilt of his head and the curve of his mouth what was on his mind, but now, I have no clue. He used to be the person I knew best, but now he's a stranger.

All because I thought the worst of him and pushed him away.

Sunset touches my knees with its long, weak orange fingers, but they give me no warmth. Luckily, I grabbed a cardigan from Ellery's wardrobe before coming to the park today. Still, I shiver, less from cold and more from what I have come to Starship Point to do.

Keanu turns to me with his ready smile. My breath catches.

Even if a UFO crosses the sky, he will still be the brightest thing in sight.

Doesn't Keanu know that when he shows me the kindness in his eyes, I feel even worse about how things ended between us? Doesn't he know his grin transforms him into the high schooler who gave me my first kiss in this very spot, the kid I set my heart on spending the rest of my life with?

He can't, because if he did, he wouldn't smile at me like that. He wouldn't hurt me intentionally, and I wish it hadn't taken me so long to see it.

"I take it you have a confession for me too." He raises his eyebrows, expectant.

I take a breath. My words want to rush from me in a flood, but I push them back.

I want to do this properly, not with the haste with which I had run from Keanu all those years ago and destroyed a love more perfect than anything I had ever known.

My nerves clog up my throat.

I do have a confession, but I don't know how Keanu will take it. All the same, that's not what matters. I must say what I want to say, or our breakup will haunt me forever.

I didn't fight for Keanu before, but I will fight for him now. And whatever happens, I will know that I tried.

After a long moment of silence, my ability to speak returns, pressured by my purpose. "I'm sorry."

Despite the painful twinge in my chest, I meet Keanu's eyes. Within them are years of memories, memories I'd always be glad for even if he and I don't make any more.

I bite my lip so that Keanu doesn't see it trembling. "I was so floored by what you said yesterday that I didn't get to apologise. I'm so, so sorry. I should've waited for you to explain the situation with Lorraine before I ran off like that."

I have always been too quick-tempered, the girl shooting from her hip. If I slowed down on that day, Keanu would've told me that it was an honest misunderstanding. We'd have gotten married, as planned, and Lorraine and I would still be friends.

Keanu wouldn't have known the heartbreak of my desertion, and I wouldn't have known this pain that turned me harsher and more bitter than I ever thought I could be.

He watches me, and even in the fading light, even in the face of the years we've been apart, I can see that devastation in his eyes. It lives within him, just like my pain does in me.

My voice shakes as I continue. "I broke your heart by not trusting you and taking my assumption as the truth. I'm so sorry, and I hope you can forgive me."

My words seem pathetic, inadequate to capture my feelings, but they're all I have to apologise to Keanu.

When I worked at my mother's florist, I used flowers as a language too. With the cheerful friends and loving boyfriends requesting custom bouquets every day, it had started to become the voice of commitment and endearment, but there's none of that between me and Keanu, not anymore.