The dent you left in my heart was greater than your legacy.

What is sleep?

I was at school when the tragedy occurred. Unable to reach you. Unable to pull you out of the fire. If only I held you closer, kept you closer. I was unable to move when I heard the news. I sat in my chair at my desk, catching my tears in my hands. My world stopped. And as you left the world, so did I. I knew you were gone before anyone had told me. I could feel your presence fade away. You were soon only memories, not a person, but just thoughts I could gather. So I stored them away and pushed it away. 

But whenever the anniversary of your death comes around, I can't bear to imagine you. Your dazzling smile, when you smiled your dimples would peek out and your cheeks would crease. Your smile was the contagious type and your laughter the infectious type too. How I would give anything to hold you again in my arms, to sleep in your arms. I can barely sleep these days. 

All I feel is you. And all I breathe is pain. I'm drowning in what used to be us. What is left of you. I can't go to the places we used to go to without seeing your face. Our memories are a version of the truth that I choose to suppress. You left me and nothing can change that, yeah no one can change that at least that was what I thought before I met him.

I never thought anything could ever mend this sadness and hole in my heart. But then you came along and fixed it all.

*BEEP BEEP*             *BEEP BEEP*

The piercingly loud alarm sound could be heard echoing the room. 

I wake up slowly, rubbing my eyes as I reach to them, I notice my hands catching tears. I had been crying through my sleep, no wonder my head hurts. I head to the bathroom and get ready for the day, then head downstairs. I grab my bottle and begin filling it up with water. I chug some down and grab whatever is in the kitchen and head to school. 

I enter the metro as usual, a little tired but ok. I can't stop thinking of you, I whisper silently. The noise of the eager people are heard throughout the train. The bustling noise and chatter are loud, but I fight it and slip on some headphones and open my music app and play it. The music helps soothe the pain and anxiousness in the train. I let out some silent quit mutters to the lyrics of the song. 

At last, I get off my stop and enter the world of school. I head to first period, I can feel them their eyes watching me as I head down the hall. I'm not stupid, not blind and sure as heck not deaf, so what makes them act like I am. Whispers, rumours and lies, all of them not true. Is that him? Oh my gosh no way! He does not seem like the type?!   I've heard it all before I can just hope this blows over at least for them because I don't think I could ever forget that moment that changed my life and ended yours.

I walk past your locker, a couple flowers lay in the front of it. A balloon or two, and some letters with words they don't even mean truly. I muster the courage to step into class, I can taste the awkward air circulating the room from the moment I entered. When will it dissipate, I wonder when will it? My worst subject is well maths yeah I hate to be that kid but yea I'm not exactly Einstein, but I manage to jot down some notes and hope the universe will be on my side. 

Will life just be this cold and empty, I wonder what could make this all go away.

As the end of school nears, after a couple of minutes until class ends I check the clock it's a few minutes fast so yea hells over.

I head over to my empty house, I call out, but of course nobody is home. My parents split when I was in 9th grade, and my father is a workaholic. I've never really felt welcome in my lonely house, where my voice echoes with no response. I went upstairs to my room and laid on my bed.

As I look at my ceiling, I wonder If anyone is truly watching over me. I open my laptop and finish up the bit of homework assigned and get ready to sleep.

Slowly, I drift into sleep.

Where are you?

I look around desperately, it's foggy and hard to see. I scramble up onto my feet and I hear a voice call out again but this time louder.

"You did this"

"YOU"

"YOU"

"YOU"

"IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT"

I jolt awake in my bed drenched in my own sweat I look at my alarm it reads 4:16am  I try to go back to sleep, but I can't find peace I keep thinking of these words from my dream over and over again. To take my mind off everything, I plop on my headphones and watch videos online. I start to feel sleepy but try my best to fight it. I contemplate whether to go back to sleep and I can see that there is light seeping through my curtains.