Fill The Void

EPILOGUE

Play song: Fill the Void by The Weeknd

***

I was in my bed, crying my heart out (again).

I couldn't believe that I was dumped for the second time in a no-label relationship (again).

That I was dumped by a Vautier man (again).

Matagal ko nang naalala ang buong pangyayari noong gabing iyon. Every word and every kiss. Masyado lang talaga akong naging in denial, and I fooled myself that I was still into Deandre.

Pero siya lang talaga.

I started to question if that night was pure coincidence, intentional, or fate. But no, I knew it wasn't intentional. He may have been stalking me online for years, but he was somewhat a coward for not taking any action to pursue me, despite liking me for so long. So when he realized he had the opportunity to marry me, he agreed. That was probably his original plan to win me over, to trap me in a marriage. Not until that fateful night occurred, and he decided to man up. Now, all this mess ensued.

Fucking fate.

"Girl, will you please stop crying? Ano? Magiging ganiyan ka naman ba?" Hazel blurted out, sounding so pissed.

"Hazel, what the hell? Tumigil ka nga," I heard Jeanne scold her.

"No! She needs to hear it!"

"Hindi mo ba nakikitang depress siya?"

"Aimiah, get up! Oh, God, please forgive me for this."

"Hazel, ano ba! Are you crazy?"

Kahit nakatalikod ako sa kanila, I felt someone jumped in my bed and on top of me, pulling me aggressively just to face them. Sinalubong ako ng galit na mukha ni Hazel, her hands tightly gripping both of my shoulders. Meanwhile, Jeanne's attempting to pull Hazel away from me.

I continued crying and didn't fight back.

"Get rid of those tears, Amy! Stop that!" Hazel scolded me.

"Ikaw ang tumigil, Hazel! Get off her! Now!" Jeanne yelled as she pulled Hazel's arm.

Hazel didn't budge, instead Jeanne deliberately pushed her away. Nakapatong pa rin si Hazel sa akin, puno ng tapang at galit ang kaniyang mga mata. Even though my eyes were full of tears, I could still see her gritting her teeth.

"Stop being so weak, Aimiah! Every time that a guy breaks your heart or couldn't reach your expectations, all you did afterwards was cry and cry and cry!" she continued yelling in madness.

And it hurts more because it was true.

"You told me how many times that all those men weren't able to fill that gap in your heart, right?" she questioned me furiously.

"Aimiah, please."

"But he's different. Damien's different, right?" she pointed out.

Tumigil ako sa kakaiyak saka tumango sa kaniya bilang sagot.

"So what are you doing now? Why are you still crying?" she asked me. But this time, she asked calmly. "Bakit hindi mo siya hinahabol? Bakit hindi mo siya hinahanap? Bakit mo siya hinahayaang mawala?"

I lost my ability to speak. Hindi ko siya masagot man lang. Those questions hit me so hard. That I realized how much of a cowardly, pathetic, and weak person I was.

Why am I letting my man slip off from me?

"I . . . I . . ." I mumbled.

"Yes? Yes?" naaatat at puno ng pag-asang tanong ni Hazel, habang papalapit nang papalapit ang kaniyang mukha.