[ listen to where is my love by my SYML while reading.]
I couldn't call you back, even though, I wanted to do so.
Why?
Was it my ego? No.
Was it a way to play hard to get? No.
Was it fear? Yes.
I've thought of you... every day, hour, minute and second.
You were haunting me and I couldn't do anything about it.
I wanted to know what you were thinking during my absence.
I wanted to call you and not just text you. I wanted to grab my phone, take a deep breath and just call you but I was afraid of your reaction.
I remember how many times you've texted me and tried to call me, but I did not pick up or replied to your messages.
Now that I am rethinking about it while writing this note to you... I feel an intense regret running down my veins, brain and heart.
I wish I could do things differently... I wish I could go back in time and fix it all...
I wish I could go back
... and call you... first.
[three months ago. IT.]
It has been 5 days since the last time we spoke and I had no courage to pick up or even reply back... till that last call.
It's strange how, when my phone rang, I felt that strong desire to pick up. It felt like I knew deep down that it was going to be the last time...
My phone rang with your name on the screen. "I need to pick up." I mumbled to myself then grabbed it saying, "hey. " was It cold? I'm sorry.
"Where the fuck were you?" You asked me and I felt something so strong hitting my heart intensely. Was it love? Was it fucking love? How could it be possible ?
"I've been busy and I couldn't pick up or text you back." I tried to lie, but you were so good at detecting bullshit.
"Why are you lying?" I was right. You know? I loved the way you used to catch me when I lie and how you directly expose me... it felt like you knew me so well and it made me... ugh, but again, I had to stay strong and cruel.
"Look... stop acting this way! " I said angry. "Stop acting like you fucking know me or dating me... you've no right to ask me where I was or even get mad if I don't reply! " I was so cold hearted that night and agressive. I didn't know how to react, because lord only knows, how scared I was of you and what I was feeling for you.
"Why are you doing this? I don't get it. What did I do? I've been nice to you and polite... and ugh! Why are you trying to runaway from me? "
I stayed silent for 5 seconds before answering you, " I'm sorry for being mean. I am just under so much pressure lately at work, so don't mind me." I tried to hide my fear and sound calm. I didn't know if you would bite it that time.
" you're scared." You said slowly and I melted. How did you know? Did you feel it? Did you sense it? Did I say it without paying attention. How?
"Why would I be scared? " I asked.
"Should I say it? " you replied with another question.
"Say what?" I played dumb, because I knew what you were thinking of.
"Love." You said firmly but warmly.
When you said that word, I felt like my heart was burning and butterflies filling you belly. I felt like a 15 years old girl... falling in love for the first time... I felt like my soul was jumping of happiness and asking me to let it out of my body so it can live with your soul inside yours..
I felt like my skin wanted to meet yours...
I felt like... I wanted you and only you
I felt it...
I felt love.
..
But...
"Love?" I said frowning my brows, looking at my phone's screen... [go read the first chapter then come back here to finish the rest.
After that phone call... and after refusing to meet you... after telling you that I only wanted to be your friend...
I collapsed for almost one hour and a half crying my emotions out and soul.
I felt like I was passing by the most beautiful love story of my life as you said, but fear was holding me back...
I wanted to pick up my phone again and call you..
ask to meet you...
