|| the soliloquy || ✦ regulus black ✦

|| 𝐭𝐰𝐞𝐥𝐯𝐞. ||

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[ 𝙻𝚎𝚝 𝚝𝚘𝚗𝚒𝚐𝚑𝚝 𝚙𝚊𝚜𝚜 𝚞𝚜 𝚋𝚢 

𝙳𝚘 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚕𝚕𝚢 𝚠𝚊𝚗𝚝 𝚝𝚘 𝚋𝚎 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚘𝚗𝚎 𝚝𝚘 𝚏𝚒𝚐𝚑𝚝?]

undertow // warpaint 

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It felt as if Jocelin was on the outside of her life, only peering in every now and then. Life continued on, her parents silent to what had happened, continuing on as if everything was the same. Perhaps it was to them, but Jocelin couldn't keep up, she couldn't keep it in. In a moment she would find herself staring down at her summer work, blink, and suddenly be in the garden as her parents entertained guests that she didn't want around. With both Hettie and Regulus gone she could only find company in Dilly.

And in another blink it was the start of term. Her letter had been sent, her grade from her O.W.L.S which she had forgotten about were returned with enough passes to let her have choice over her schedule. Her mother dismissed them altogether, disappointed that they were not all O's.

Not wanting to deal with the crowds of Diagon Alley, her father protested that there were too many mudbloods there these days, Dilly was sent to collect all of her supplies. It felt as if everyone was keeping her away from the world. And that's how she found herself standing on Platform 9 and 3/4 staring at the Hogwarts Express, questioning what she was even doing back there. She felt like a shell of who she had been, just over the course of a summer.

"Boo!" Hettie ran up from behind, her arms wrapping tightly around Jocelin's shoulders and almost pulling her to the ground. She feigned a laugh as her best friend faced her.

"I was worried you wouldn't be leaving France and would decide to go to Beauxbatons this year." She forced a smile, her eyes swimming across Hettie's features. Her skin was tanned from the beach days, cheeks pink with a lasting youthfulness, eyes bright and full. The same old Hettie.

"I would rather have my house-elf snog me than go there." She teased, keeping her arm lounged over Jocelin's shoulders. "But listen, I've got so much to catch you up on. I think Alexander might be keen on making it official with me."

"I thought you were already?"

"Details, details. Come let's make sure we get a good compartment this time." As Hettie directed her away, Jocelin couldn't help but take another glance around the platform, looking for his face.

"He'll be here, don't worry." Hettie huffed and pulled Jocelin onto the train and leading them into the new year together.

It was just after the train had lurched away from the platform, the corridors lined with students as they waved to parents, siblings, loved ones alike. There was no one in the crowd for Jocelin, and she figured Hettie's father had parted early as well. Regulus turned up outside the door, not even knocking as he slid it open and faced the two of them. His eyes were bleary, as if he hadn't been sleeping. Jocelin had seen that in him before.

"Hi." He breathed, almost shrinking in the presence of the two of them as he slid into the seat next to Jocelin, not yet making full eye contact.

"Ah! The prodigal son returns! My Mister Black, you have been quite difficult to get in touch with this summer. Sneaky bastard." Hettie proclaimed loudly, stifling all the awkwardness she could.

"Walburga, as it is." He nodded, and it served as a good explanation as any. He turned to Jocelin, eyes steady, pleading with words that couldn't be formed. Part of her soul slipped back into her body, eased her shoulders and fingers with warmth as she took him in. It had only been a month, just a month.