· ˚ ༘ Joey promised Phoebe that he's going to keep her company the night before her wedding with Mike. However, things ain't so simple as Joey had thought because of his secret feelings he has for his friend. 𓂃꙳ ⋆
🤍English is not my first languag...
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Three hours before dawn
"I really wanna get drunk right now."
"No, you can't, Phoebe Buffay."
I know she doesn't mean any of what she's saying - she's just too nervous, and when she's nervous, her constructive solution is always getting drunk.
She turns her face to me and smiles, "Joey, I really want you to know how much you mean to me."
"I think I know it already."
"No, seriously, you really are one of the most important people in my life. I can't imagine my life without you being around. You're like my family."
"You're like my family too."
God. I wish you could see her face right now when she's staring at me. Her glittering and fluorescent eyes, and how her lips curve when she smiles. I have all my appreciation for her, but what's the point as long as I can't have her? I want to say what's on my mind so badly but am too afraid of the consequences.
"Joe, do you have something to say to me before I am not single anymore?" asks her, excitedly.
I can't think of anything, for God's sake. Actually, I can think of one thing, but I have doubts about revealing it.
"Phoebe, I love you."
"I love you too, Joe."
"No, I mean, I really love you. I don't want you to marry Mike."
"What are you talking about?"
She frowns, and the consequence of what I fear the most is now going to happen. She's gonna hate me.
"I'm sorry, Phoebe. I really am. But, for God's sake, I love you. I have always wanted to date you, but I am a coward. I don't know why asking you out is the hardest thing. Now you're going to marry Mike. I'm so happy for you, but I know so well that after this, I am going to suffocate so much."
"Joey..."
"Don't say anything, please."
"But I am gonna say that... Why didn't you just ask me out, you stupid?"
"What?"
"Joey, I don't know if you ate too much junk food or you were born stupid!! I loved you too! Couldn't you just see it!"
I am speechless.
She continues, "Every time you kissed me, my body got shivering and almost caught a cold because I was in love with you! When you asked me to marry you because you thought I was pregnant, why did I accept your stupid proposal? It was because I loved you! I defended when Ross and everyone else tried to underestimate you. I pretended to be Ursula to protect your feelings! Come on!"
"Pheebs, I didn't know that. I'm so sorry."
"Then what's the point of confessing to me the day before I get married? What are you expecting me to say?"
"I don't know. I think it's better for both of us to know what we are feeling for each other."
"Joey... If you just said a word before Mike proposed to me, things could have been less complicated."
"I'm sorry."
"So now that's all you have to say? You're sorry?"
I don't know why but her face now somehow is inviting me to kiss her. It really is. So I instantly hold on to the back of her head and kiss her so passionately. She responds to my unpermitted kiss so well. The next thing I'm aware of is that I push her back to the bed, and press her down to it, and kiss her as if I'm gonna lose her forever. But what's strange is that the harder I kiss her, the bigger my fear of losing her gets.
I touch and cling to every part of her body. How crazy is that really touching her is better, so much better than how I imagine it would be.
I dare not to take off her clothes, I mean, touching her like this is more than enough. I just don't want to see her naked. I respect her so much.
We make out for almost five minutes before our faculties pull themselves together. I think she's crying.
"Oh, no, Pheebs. I'm sorry. I'm so so so sorry. I shouldn't have done that, I shouldn't've done anything to you. I know from the very start that I don't deserve you. I am not capable of anything but bringing you sorrow. I am sorry."
"Don't say another sorry, Joe. I'm not crying because you hurt me. You never hurt me. I'm crying because from now on, you're gonna scar right here, in my deepest part of heart. Nothing's gonna erase you from it. And I'm gonna suffocate from this scar too."
I've never felt this sorry before; somehow I think I just ruined her marriage even though she's marrying Mike anyway.
"Please, don't cry."
She ultimately stops crying and starts to move farther from where I'm sitting. Like I said, she's gonna hate me!
"I didn't plan anything like this to be happening at all. It feels so awkward, I wish I hadn't said anything."
"But at least... the kiss we just shared was so great."
I immediately turn my face to her. "Really?"
She nods, "Another perfect kiss in my life."
I so badly want to crawl onto her and kiss her again, but it's gonna be too much. I'm feeling so desperate and mad at myself. I could have had her, I could have been marrying her, I could have done anything I always dreamt of if I had said I love her. What an idiot I am!
"Phoebe, tomorrow is coming. I think you'd better get some rest. You can sleep in my bed. I'll sleep on my couch."
She suddenly grabs my hand and squeezes it. "I don't want you to go. Please, sleep here with me in this room."
"I can't"
"Why?"
"Isn't it gonna be harder for us? I think we should do nothing that might lead us to that... you know what I mean?"
"Then don't do anything. I just want to sleep in your arms. Is that too hard to do for me one last time?"
I finally say okay to her and then pull her into my arms. I give her a kiss on her temple and hold her as tightly as I can. She's shivering and quivering. I don't know what to do but keep holding her tightly and spread my warmth to her cold body.
