Cheaters ✓

This Life

25 October 2020

What was phase two of a relationship? I wondered after going by what Yoongi had said, that phase one ended when two people had sex, our phase one had ended a long time ago. In fact, five weeks after we met.

But that situation was different. We had professed our love for each other. And we knew we were the one for the other. That one person with whom we wanted to seek the proverbial forever and ever. It was there in his eyes. It was there in my body language, for it was there in my heart.

Now when I think back, with time, the fear of him going away, the possibility of him leaving me has faded. There's an assurance that he will remain with me, make up with me, no matter what. Vice versa, probably. It's a good thing, if you think about it. But the human mind works in weird ways. More often than not, we start taking our partners for granted.

Their entire being is limited to what we think of them. Based on that, we convince ourselves that there's no room for any more surprises. And that there's no spark. That's when the mind shuts off. You stop looking forward to spending time together or expecting anything from your partner because it all seems colourless, unexciting. A sense of monotony sets in.

It's like attending a magic show. The first time, you are intrigued. The second time, it entertains you. The third time, it's obvious. The fourth time, it gets monotonous. The fifth time, you are bored to death. The sixth time onwards, even if you are in the magic show physically, your mind wanders off to look for a different magic.

At least that's what happened between Jungkook and me. The more we interacted, the less I talked about things he wasn't interested in. It was like I was a piece of cloth, and with every meeting of ours, I was cutting myself to fit him.

But what about the pieces I let go of? Those were also a part of me. I am sure he must have done the same. What about those parts we leave out because they don't fit our partners or relationships? And what if, in the future, we find someone who fits in the 'left out' pieces?

It happens even now. For example, Jungkook doesn't like being interrupted when he is talking about problems at work. Earlier, I used to cut in and ask questions.

This used to really piss him off. There was a time when we used to fight on Sundays because I would refuse to bathe. It doesn't happen any more, even though I still don't bathe on Sundays. Perhaps he got used to it, or maybe he understood that I won't change. He doesn't like a creased bed sheet. It hardly matters to me. But since I know he doesn't like it, I make it a point to keep the bed neat and tidy. I don't like potty humour while eating, but he and his cousins would always crack such jokes earlier.

But after realizing that I really didn't enjoy them, he stopped doing it. Small things like these magnify when you live with them, but they are also what pave the road of a relationship.

To this day, I'm very cautious to not share with Jungkook things which may upset him or lead to an argument. Of course, I do this to save our relationship, and I am sure he does the same. One striking change I have noticed is that we don't talk as much as we used to. Not the I-have-nothing-to-sayto-you kind of silence.

But the comfortable kind. The kind that is bearable. I know exactly how he would respond to something, so I forgot mentioning it. It's some kind of emotional programming. Is that what Yoongi meant by phase two of a relationship?

An hour after we met today, I collapsed beside him on the bed, panting and out of breath. We had been at it since the time we entered the hotel room. Close to an hour.

'You wanted to speak to me about something,' he said after gulping half the bottle of water that was kept on the bedside table. I noticed his voice changed slightly every time he drank water but I didn't think much of it. We were back in Hotel Conrad. This time in room number 1021.

I had meant to tell him that we should keep our meetings outside hotel rooms, subtly hinting at the obvious. But that had no meaning any more since we both lay naked in bed.

'Nothing,' I said.

'You give too much importance to sex, don't you?' he asked.

So he knew what I wanted to talk about.

'Maybe I do. Is that a problem?'

'It will be at some point in time.'

'Okay, I have two questions for you,' I said.

I had wanted to ask him these during a phone call or texting session but neither had happened since our last meeting.

'First, what did you mean when you said you were in it only for the sex?'

There was silence.

'Should I answer this first or wait for your second question?' he asked.

'Answer this first.'

'I believe sex is the glue for relationships like this. It doesn't have to be the most important thing between us. We didn't jump into the bed the day we met. We took our time. And that time perhaps made us comfortable enough to consider the option of booking a hotel room. That's one part of the truth.'

'What's the other?' I asked.

'That without it, I don't think we'll last.'

'And you want us to last?'

'If I didn't, I would have spent more time on dating apps than talking or meeting you.'

'Hmm.' He had a point.

'Okay, it was time for my second question: What's the second phase of a relationship?'

'The realization that,' he paused to do air quotes and added, 'this relationship is under our control now and nothing can go wrong.'

'And sex is a curtain-raiser to this phase?'

'We have been brought up to perceive sex like an event. I should say we have been conditioned to treat it like one because we don't have sex the moment we are born, the way we begin our other basic activities. But come to think of it, it's the most obvious and natural thing ever.'

After some time, Yoongi got up and went to the washroom while I wore my clothes and went and sat on the couch. He had got me thinking. He was still naked when he came out.

'There's only one life, true, but in that one life you can be part of many stories. And in each of those stories, you'll find an opportunity to live several lives.'

A frown appeared on my face. I didn't fully understand what he meant.

'What if I ask you to come with me, Taehyung? Leave everything. Leave your story. Create one with me. Give yourself a chance to live another life within this one. What will your answer be?'

It was a proposition. Till then, I was looking ahead to an intimate friendship, hopefully a long one, with Yoongi. With this, I understood he was looking at something way more serious, way more rooted and with ramifications.

Something that would rattle my world and his'. Even though we hadn't known each other for long, the intensity we felt when together was enough to at least consider such a proposition, or so I tried to argue with myself.

Before answering, I tried to gauge whether he was joking or serious. Or was it some sort of a trick question? I got nothing.