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FOUR

Matt's POV

I heard once in a song that you can't fix bullet holes with band aids. That's how I left Rose. I tried to help her, mend her, fix her even. But I didn't even help, I just made her worse.

I leave her house for what it seems the last time and smile at the memories we had together. Her warm smile. Her long blonde hair that wraps around her waist. Her chocolate brown eyes that welcome me home every time I look into them. Everything about her, makes my body go insane. She's like the medication I desperately need, yet I can't afford it. She's the precious diamond in the back of the jewelry store, a rare item but once found, has extreme value.

She's everything to me.

And I just let her go.

It's not that I don't love her or don't care for her, but she's too good for me. She deserves so much more. She deserves someone who treats her like a princess; not someone, like me, who ditches her to go work.

Bottom line, she doesn't deserve me.

I quit my bantering with myself and get out of my old Chevy pickup truck. I'm at my apartment, but I don't remember even driving home. I'm so tired from working two jobs and attending school, that sometimes I forget a lot of things; including the people that most matter to me.

Fumbling with my keys, I unlock the cheap wooden door and are immediately awaken by the unfamiliar smell of cigarette smoke.

Someone's been inside my apartment.

Slowly, making my way through the small hallway, I follow my nose to the smell of the smoke. I open the door to my bedroom to find Frankie sitting on my bed, smoking one of my cigarettes.

"Frankie!" I scold. He's frightened and drops the cig. "I told you to stay out of my cigs!"

"Sorry man," the thirteen years old somewhat apologizes. "It's just that I needed something to distract me and relieve my pain..."

I sit down on the floor next to him and put my arm around his skinny shoulders.

"How are they doing?" I dare to ask.

"Good, but they miss you... A lot."

"I figured." The thought of my parents even giving a shit about me makes my stomach drop to the floor.

"Will you ever come back home?" He sniffles.

I look into his sad eyes, and he already knows the answer. Yet, he still searches for some type of hope.

Frankie takes a long drag of the cigarette and the room remains silent.

"How's Rose?" Frankie breaks the silence.

"Uh, good. Well at least I think so." I awkwardly state.

"Good. Cause I miss her."

"What?"

"You heard me." He repeats himself. "I miss her."

I'm lost for words then Frankie defines himself.

"I don't actually miss her, I just miss the way you were with her. You were happy and you visited home more. I miss that part."

"Really? You're saying that I act different when I'm with her?" I question him.

"I mean, yeah. But in a good way!" Frankie quickly states and I chuckle quietly.

"Hey," I turn towards my little brother. "Wanna grab some ice cream?"

He jumps up excitedly and almost scurries out the door before I can even grab my keys or my wallet.

"Sometimes I forget how old you are. You act so mature, then yet so child like." I laugh at his complex character.

"I can't help it." He shrugs it off.

I turn towards him on my heel and now I'm slightly confused.

"What do you mean?"

"Well ever since... Well you know... Anyways, I've never been the same. I can't act like a kid anymore because I have to deal with some of this adult crap. It's kinda unfair. But I guess it's better for me than to not face reality at all."

Then he smiles and runs out the door, completely leaving me all alone in my apartment, speechless.

You always fuck everything up!

I hear a familiar male voice scream in my head.

Look what you have done! Leave and never come back!

"You comin'?" Frankie asks. His little head is peeked out by the door and he patiently waits for an answer. I snap back to reality and shake off the bad memories.

"Sure."

We both walk out together and before I shut the door I turn around and look at my small, weak, and gullible little brother who just seems to have life gone unfairly. Before he could ask why I was looking at him, I wrap my arms around him and embrace him in a hug. He seems confused at first, but I can't help but feel like this is all of my fault. I'm the reason for his life turning out this way, I'm the cause for everything to go to shit.

It's all of my fault.

"I'm so sorry." I tell him. He doesn't seem to get why I'm apologizing, but he will one day. One day where not everything is fucked up, people's feelings won't be hurt, and the pain can finally stop. That one day, where I can finally say to myself that it's going to be okay.