INCUBUS KING *Editing*

-THIS MEANS BUSINESS-

About a week had passed and I was able to get the home I had been eyeing for a bit of time now. The cabin was furnished and close to the inner city . I had bought some minimalist furniture for it. I honestly wanted it to be a space where I practice magic and work out of. I definitely want to start doing consultations and healing here. My living room is absolutely to die for. The space was great and I had packed it up with so many plant over the past few days that I had a hard time walking through it without being greeted by a beautiful pot and plant.

While I am close to the city I like the idea of being surrounded by nature. I also like having clean air around me. Breathing is super important. If you breathe in a shallow manner you are able to become less anxious and less stressed as opposed to if you breath fast and do not allow the air to properly fill your lungs. I had been spending the past few days meditating. Although the physical demons seemed to have been gone. I still had my own inner demons to keep at bay.

I can't lie my mind kept going back to Lazarus and all of the sexually encounters we have had together. It was sparking a flame inside of me which kept burning uncontrollably. I can't lie it made me feel sick. I felt so fucking sick to my stomach and I didn't have much of an appetite thinking about the fact that I actually love this man so much and no amount of running and religion can change it.

I had been meditating and practicing pranayama. I've also been doing reiki healing on myself. The shadow work had been hitting me hard this week. I often wondered deep down what was wrong with me. Every time he seemed to reject me and choose another for his pleasure. It made me feel like I wasn't really the one for him. I'm sure that was stupid to think but I couldn't help it.

Little did I realize, he was fighting his own demons. Even if he wasn't fighting them, he is going through his own thing. He has a lot of work to do and I can't deny that. I can tell that though he is a incubus he does have a sex addiction. He likes to do it a lot, he also likes doing it with multiple women. It pisses me off and makes me feel aggravated. I wanted his attention again and all of it.

His weakness caught up to him and he allowed himself to let his guard all the way down. He never took the time to have a protection ritual done for us or took the time to marry me as soon as possible. He just gave me every inkling to run. To not trust him or allow him in my space. I should of never have him my virginity because he made me realize that he didn't deserve it or me.

I sigh. I just feel so conflicted with this man. One minute I'm hot for him and the next my heart is cold. He needs to fight his demons and become more disciplined in love. That doesn't mean he has to do what I say. But damn if I'm supposed to be the queen of his Kingdom. I feel a little bit odd being treated like number three or four.

He isn't a dumb man, he knows how to treat a woman. It's just that with me he doesn't do it. He doesn't make much of an effort and he doesn't show me how much he really loves and cares about me. Either way it's not really too late. If the spell breaks and he actually comes to his senses I'll give him one more chance. But after that I'm moving on. If Lestat steals my heart then so be it. Right now I just want to be appreciated and respected the way I should.  It only makes sense.

I want to start a small business, I would like to sell conjure oils and dressed candles. I'd love to go also add in tarot readings as a bonus. I may add some crystals and unique jewelry to the mix. I just want to do something on my own that generates an income. I wanna be able to stand my own ground without the support of these men or even a man.

I just font done getting ready for the day. I made my bed and tidied my room. I watered the plants and opened some of my blinds to let some light in. I changed the glasses of water that was around my altar and added fresh cups of water and coffee. Also added some shots of rum for my warriors. It's wild to me that they went through a bottle of rum in  such a short about of time. I need to grab another one. Maybe one that's close to a gallon.  I also made it my duty to add the herbs I needed for the oils I'll be creating. I want to get all of supplies today so that I can stay in for the next few days and just work hard on launching this small business.

I'll be looking at some shop fronts to rent so that I can sell my stuff and make a living out here. I had filed all of the paper work and paid for everything. My god parents helped to make the process quicker and easier. I had everything coming in the mail next week. So I'll officially have a visa here that will guarantee that I can have my extended living and business ventures. I just need to establish stability right now. I also need to focus on my education too. It's a bit hard to apply for college without my parents knowing. I may have to figure out if there's any private institutions here that would accept me as a new resident. I just got my addresses, so it might take a little time for everything to come through the way I envision it to.

I have so much planned for tonight. I had booked a tattoo appointment for two artists to do sleeves on me. They were gonna target one arm each and then go up to my neck. I guess you could say that I wanted to feel more than I what I was feeling. The pain from the needle would kind of just numb everything out for the most part and help me to shift my focus for just tonight. I didn't tell anyone what I was planning to do, but it is what it is. They'll see it when it's time. At this point I have free will and I'm making the choices I feel are best for me at this moment. I was paying them a good $500 u.s each.

So I was spending a good $1000 on this body art. One sleeve was my guardian Orishas and warriors. I wanted to add waves and then do the heavens and put the Orishas associated with the higher realms. On the other arm I just want to do the flower of life a quarter up and the two inches thick of black out and then more geometric patterns. I also wanted to bring the geometric lines up to my neck and chin. I wanted to bring a straight thin line up to my lip.

I sent them all of the images and they told me they had already complied it. They said it would take an hour or two for them to sketch it all up and get the proper inks. I grab my purse and leave the house. I had it in my mind that it would be a good idea for me to get a car. Mainly because I live a little far out. I'm about 25 minutes from the city. I got a Uber and that took a good 10 minutes to come. In that time I had managed to make a large fruit smoothie. I put it in my bag. I added my notebook, pen, portable charger, perfume oil,wallet, and umbrella.

There was a loud beep outside my gate. I grabbed everything and left the house. I had not intentions to let my life go to waste, nor my money. This whole plan means business to me. I'm in my bag, I gotta bet out of my feelings.  I'll most likely use the bit of land I have to plant herbs and food. I would love to get a chicken coop and a goat or two. I'll have to ask my godfather how to go about getting the permit for that if it's needed that is.