Would You Love Me Tomorrow

{ CHAPTER TWO }

I eventually got up from my bed and walked to the bathroom and grabbed all my needs for my shower. Tonight was one of those nights where it seems nearly impossible to take a shower because i'm so tired.

Just thinking about standing there for so long sounds so hard.

I brushed my teeth before I got in knowing i'll probably get something to eat later when I get hungry in the middle of the night.

When I spit out all my toothpaste I heard a knock on my door. A couple seconds later it opened and my brother Chase walked in. He looked disappointed or annoyed with something I know because whenever he is disappointed or annoyed he bites down on both his lips.

"Noah" he sounded concerned. "Are you doing it again?" I darted my eyes at him asking him what he means and for him to please explain.

"Noah, you know what I'm talking about. Are you doing it again?" He's right, I knew exactly what he was talking about, but I wasn't going to get into this conversation.

"No." I whispered. I lied, of course i'm doing it again, why stop when the pain feels so good.

"Please Chase, i'm not in the mood" I told him.

"That's the problem Noah, you're never in the mood to talk about anything when it comes to you," he's right I hated talking about myself.

"Please Noah, I don't know why you do this to yourself, you always knew you could come talk to me." I already knew that.

My brother was a year older than me already in college, but he loved being home on the weekends. He says he is home sick, but I call it being a *cough cough* mommas boy.

My three older siblings were already out of college and already started their lives.

I would say i'm relatively close to Chase. I love him and he was my best friend all though out high school.

He is also talking about me hurting myself again. He was there at my worst and he definitely doesn't want to see that again, nobody would. It was bad to say the least.

I whispered, "why would I stop when it feels so good and it's the only thing helping me stay alive?"

I felt a sudden tightness around my body. Chase hugged me so hard I was starting to tip over.

"There are better alternatives to this, trust me" is what he said. "You know I hate when you do this to yourself, right?" he spoke.

I didn't answer because he already knew my answer. We unwrapped from the hug and my brother started to walk out of the bathroom door.

I ended up getting out of the shower around 1:30.

I thought about the boy from earlier. He seemed so innocent and gentle in the inside but so rough and dangerous on the outside. I guess that's what having tattoos makes you look like.

Dangerous.

So many people are attracted to danger and don't even know why. Is it the rush you get when you're about to do something or is it just trying to risk something?

When I got my clothes for bed on, basically just a oversized t-shirt and boy boxers I could finally call it a night.

I got a sudden rush of energy once I finally laid down. When I tell you this happens so often, it does and it's so irradiating.

I went downstairs to grab a snack. I caught my dad in the backyard just staring off into the darkness biting his nails.

Uh oh, he does that when he's stressed. I grabbed my leftover burger and fries from yesterday and took it outside.

"Hey kiddo, how's one of my favorite daughters doing?" he smiled. I laughed, "Come on dad, when are you going to come to the realization that I am your favorite daughter?" He laughed a real laugh and pulled me into a hug. "Hey hey watch it, I love you but you are going to spill my fries."

I finally got serious and I wanted to ask him what's wrong but he'll just say nothing and that he's "fine" when I know he's not. "Dad, what's going on? Are you okay?" He started to bite another nail and just said "nothing honey, it's fine." What did I say, called it. I feel bad, parents shouldn't have to suffer to try to protect us.

He already knew I knew he was lying. My dad sighed, "It's just work. They want me to go to Singapore" he said looking at me. I dropped my fry and hugged him. I'm so happy for him.

"Oh my god, dad that is truly amazing. Why are you nervous about this?" There's a catch, there's always a catch with everything.

"I'm going to be gone for a year" he said with no expression other than disappointment. "Dad this year is my senior year" I said with no attitude. He cupped my face and told me "Nor, I'm so sorry really, you know I want to be there. I love you all so much I don't want to be that far away from you guys ever. I know you don't always get along with your mom, but please make the most of it. I will do my best to come back here for breaks" he let my face go and I let my head drop down. "I know dad, I love you too, it's just that it's hard when you're miles away."

He pulled me in for a hug. "When do you leave?" I asked. "Next month, kiddo."

I was pissed. Not at my dad obviously there is nothing he could do to control this. I'm pissed at his stupid fucking marketing company that has to send him to another country.

After a little while my dad left to go back upstairs. I needed to get some sleep because I have work in the morning and I don't want to be exhausted.

I put my food away and went upstairs to brush my teeth then finally go to sleep. I put on my favorite show Gilmore Girls then tried to fall asleep.

hi loves, i'm at school right now and i'm having a hard day. do you ever just walk into campus and you get in a bitchy mood? i'm in one of those for no reason. i hope you guys enjoyed and remember my writing will only get better.

also after every chapter i want to ask questions so

what do you guys do to help you calm down after a bad day?

with love, gianna