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|03.|
I sank to the floor by my locker, letting the tears finally fall. I couldn't stop picturing how different my life could have been if none of this had happened. If my parents were still alive, if Steve had never died - things would be so much better. I never would have become this mess of a person.
"You might want to get up, I'm pretty sure they don't wash these floors all summer," a familiar voice suddenly rang out.
I looked up through blurry eyes to see Stu standing over me, his brow creased in concern replacing a playful grin.
"Stu?!" I stood up. He immediately wrapped me in a warm, tight hug that felt like coming home. Stu gave the best hugs - he was always so solid and comforting, with the lingering scent of his body spray and weed laced into it.
"You're here," I murmured, clinging to him.
He pulled back to look at me almost examining me. "Yeah, sorry I missed the group meet earlier. I just..."
I shook my head, cutting him off. "I don't care. I'm just so happy you're here now. Today has been terrible already." I buried my face in his chest again, so relieved to have him there.
Stu rubbed my back soothingly. "What's going on?" he asked.
I sighed and finally released him. "Just some immature assholes." As I explained, his eyes darkened with concern in that sympathetic way that always undid me. I broke down sobbing again, just like when I had told him about my parents.
"Hey, hey, hey," Stu murmured gently, brushing the fresh tears from my cheeks with his thumb. He looked so distraught seeing me like this.
I felt stupid crying again, but having him there made me feel safe enough to let it all out. "I'm sorry, I just..."
"Don't apologize," he said firmly. "You've been through hell. It's okay to not be okay."
Stu had this way of calming me down. He wrapped me in another hug, gently swaying side to side to soothe me.
I could feel the panic rising in my chest, the familiar sensation of being completely overwhelmed. The walls of the school corridor seemed to close in on me as I stammered out an apology. "I'm sorry, I just-I can't do this. I don't know why I thought I could..." My words trailed off as I swallowed hard, the lump in my throat making it difficult to speak. "I thought coming back would..." I hesitated, the admission tasting bitter on my tongue. "I thought it would fix me. But it isn't-"
"Ash, Ash, calm down, okay?" Stu's voice cut through my spiraling thoughts, grounding me. "You know how you get when you're overwhelmed. Breathe for me." His tone was gentle, a soothing contrast to the chaos in my mind.
We sat in silence he started pulling somethingout his pocket, " I got you something." He reached into his pocket and pulled out a small object.
I looked at him, my confusion clear on my face.
"Turn around," he instructed softly. I complied, "i was suppose to give it you you this morning but i missed you" his hands gently lift my hair as he fastened a gold necklace around my neck.
The necklace felt cool against my skin, and when he turned me back to face the mirror on my locker, I saw it-a charm with a moon and a sun intertwined. "I was late today because I wanted to get you something to welcome you back. I know it's corner but I went to that shop you like so much with all of those old things and I saw this and immediately thought of you," he explained, his eyes meeting mine.
"You didn't have to do this for me, Stu," I murmured.
He was silent for a moment, then quicklymoved his eyes from mine "Yes, I did. You deserve nice things, Ash. And you don't need to be 'fixed.' You're not broken. You're one of the strongest people I know," he said with warming my heart.
"I just feel so alone. I don't know what to do anymore, Stu. I'm lost," I confessed, leaning back against the locker, fighting the tears that threatened to spill over.
Stu took my hand in his, his grip firm yet gentle. "I know you're hurt, Ash, but you're not alone. You'll never be alone, not while I'm here." His smile was a reminder of all the reasons I had missed him.
"BABE? WHY ARENT YOU IN FIRST PERIOD?" A voice rings out behind us I slight jump as I watch a girl appear from around the corner.
She was blonde, average height, very pretty and was now walking towards us, I turned around wiping my face.
"I told you, I was checking up on a friend" he gestured towards me. "oh..that's the friend" she grabs his arm looking at me. "hi I'm casey." she extends her arm to me, I shake it smiling at her. "I'm a-." "ashley green I know." she cuts me off I nod.
"seems like everyone knows." I mumble.
"Well it was nice meeting you, I'm heading back to class before mr.bolton chews my head off." she kisses stu on the cheek as I look around awkwardly.
"Nice necklace." she says waving at me again and walking off.
I watched as she shuffled out of my view before fixing my gaze back on to stu "girlfriend?"
"We literally got together last week," he explained, his hands finding refuge in his pockets.
The silence that followed felt heavy, filled with unspoken thoughts and the echo of our recent conversation. I broke it with a light-hearted quip about heading to calculus, trying to mask the awkwardness with laughter as I gathered my belongings.
"Thank you for assisting in one of my many mental breakdowns and again for the necklace," I said, offering him a genuine smile before turning to leave. His response was a simple "no problem," but he kept pace beside me, despite my attempts to speed walk away.
"Is there anything you need." I ask
"well, I was hoping to spend some time with you, like alone together we have seen each other in person in like forever" he steps in front of me "You sure Casey would be alright with that?" I asked, my arms crossing defensively.
"Casey is my girlfriend, not my mom and it's not like I'm asking you to have an orgy, we can like go to a movie or something its completely innocent" he defends.
The weight of our last conversation hung between us, heavy with the secrets I had entrusted to him. It stung a little, realizing he hadn't mentioned his new relationship amidst our deep exchange. The air was thick with a newfound awkwardness that hadn't been there before. I want to say no.
I stole a glance up at Stu, catching that familiar smile that always seemed to dissolve any resolve I had. And just like that, I found myself entangled once again in the comfort of our past connection.
"Tommorow around five?" I found myself saying, a smile creeping onto my face in response to his.
"Sounds great, grewn, see you then," he replied, as he planted a kiss on my cheek and dashed off.
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I need to get an actual update schedule because at this rate this book will take 10 years. Also it's really hard to write stu's goofiness into these chapters but I'm trying my best. I hope whoever's is reading this is enjoying it thank you for the support <3.
