Oblivious

Oblivious 3

John Dykemen was this boy at my school who was 2 years older than me. While I still had no friends he would always be surrounded by them. Everyone liked him and he was always nice. Believe it or not when I was watching from a far he turned his head and locked eyes with me. Kind of like in the movies, it was amazing to say and when the bell rang and everyone left he walked up to me and said "Hey" with a bright smile, but for some reason I could tell it was fake and in that moment I grabbed his arm and pulled up his sleeve reveling some fresh and old cuts.

He ripped his arm out of my grasp and flushed red. He then glared at me and walked away. 2 weeks later he was walking up to me again but this time he pulls up my sleeve making me blush and run away crying. Like I said, kind of like a movie. He did chase after me and that day we talked and found we had a lot in common and then started to date. We went to rehabilitation together and when his family pissed him off he would stay at my house but through all that time he never went past kissing.

For one full week he did not come to school, call me, text me, and the few times I went to his house he was not there. On a Friday he came knocking on my door and I let him in. He was sweaty and had blood all over his hands making me wonder if he killed someone. He asked to use my shower and I let him and give him a change of clean clothing he left here from a time he stayed over a night. Keep in mind we have been dating for a year now and I'm 17 while he is 19. When he sat down on the couch I sat next to him and asked him what was wrong.

He got mad when I asked but told me anyway saying he had gotten into some bad stuff. By bad stuff I mean drugs and when he went to go get more his dealer wanted more money for what it was worth and he ended up fighting his dealer to get away. I know right at that second I should have dumped his ass and kicked him out of my house but when he looked at me all I could see was fear. That night I let him sleep with me. John took my virginity but he also left something behind too.

When I woke up in the morning he was gone, he left a note on the pillow saying he loved me and that he would be back later. He never came back that night. The next day he came back though and always did since.

As the month was nearing the end my period was 8 days late and fearing the worst I bought a pregnancy test. My fear came true and a pink line was looking right up at me. I ended up crying the rest of the day and when he come by that night and he seen my eyes and the new cuts all over my body he questioned me. I told him and he got mad at me. He got mad at ME! He said he wore a condom but there must have been a hole or it must have ripped but he ended up storming out on me. After 2 days I started calling him and went to his house only to be told by his mother that he left town.

He got me pregnant and then left. This was his entire fault while I believed it was mine. For the next 2 months I had to go to the hospital 4 times to get stiches from how deep I was cutting. When my doctor gave me antidepressants that were safe to take when pregnant they did help. When I was on them I knew I needed to keep this baby safe. When I was of the pill all I could do was think about John and how I could kill myself. The baby I guess saved my life because once the bump started to show I knew that life was something different.

I had to change myself. I had to stop cutting and crying and thinking about death and just drop it all and I did. I was going to keep the baby because I did not want to kill a life and if I was going to have anyone to love and have them love me back it would be this little child. I made the baby its own room with purple walls and nice white clouds all over the place with stuffy's and play things and in a closet would be the dippers and bottles and all this other stuff that I needed. I was ready for this child. Know where was my mother in all of this?

She was a lawyer and had to travel all the time. This had been happening since I was 9, if she was going to be gone longer than 3 months she would give me enough money for one full year to live off of and if she was gone longer than a year she would start sending checks every week. She was pretty rich and had no problem knowing that she forgot her daughter. I did talk to her sometimes but when she called 6 months into my pregnancy I told her nothing. She had no idea and would most likely never find out.

I had a brother and he did live with me until I was 15 and he was 18 but he moved out leaving me all alone. We talked and we are still really close and believe it or not I told him everything and he said I should keep the baby. He said he would help me with it if I ever needed and said he would be there while I was pushing it out. A little weird but he knew that if no one was standing by me I would never make it to 20.

The last 4 months were crazy. I had to make sure I had everything and on December 12th as I was at my front door about to walk in, my water broke. Pain shot right through me and I had to bite my hand for me to not scream. I put the bags on the floor and rushed out the door locking it and walking fast to my car still trying not to scream my face off. When the pain stopped I set my watch and when the next contraction came the time in between was 6 minutes. This child was coming fast. I called my brother half way to the hospital and he started freaking out and I could hear him rushing around his house for his things.

I got to the hospital before him and by the time I was in a bed my contractions were 2 minutes. I had a doctor in between my legs telling me to push with my brother on my right holding my hand and letting me crush his. Once the baby was out the doctor told me it was a boy and cleaned him off handing him to me. I was crying of course and the little pink thing in my arms was too, and my brother. After 2 hours of having the little baby the nurse asked me what I wanted to name him. I look at the baby and smiled at him and the name that popped up was Luke. I told the nurse and she smiled saying I chose a good name.

My brother laughed at the name and started calling Luke, Little Luke. At that time everything was just perfect. For the next 4 months me and Luke lived happily. Josh would come by every once in a while to play with Luke and mom never found out.

But then-