3AM Thoughts...

Another Day

I wake up to someone shaking me
I open my eyes and get my bearings
A voice I can hardly register is telling me I've been in bed too long
It's time to get up
It's time to start another day

I fumble through the day
I can barely focus
All of these unwanted thoughts running through my head
I can't push them away
I bury myself in work
Maybe it will help me forget about them for a while

It's time to eat
I stare at the food I once loved
I chew and swallow but don't really taste anything
I don't really feel
I don't ask for seconds anymore
I only need enough to survive

Time for bed
I go mindlessly through my nightly routine
Brush my teeth
Brush my hair
Change into something comfortable

And then I lay there
In bed
For hours

I stare at my phone or computer screen for the first hour
I might as well get some work done
But I've worked enough for tonight
Maybe I should try writing something
I haven't done that in the while
It's one of the things that I used to love

But forget it
I'm too tired
I need to get up early tomorrow or I'll have screwed up again
I should try and sleep

I can't sleep
I stare at the ceiling
Out the window
Into the darkness
Anything to try and get my mind to zone out
But all the thoughts only become stronger

I close my eyes
Please, sleep
Just for one night
I need to sleep

I glance at the clock on my phone
It's already tomorrow
I've wasted hours of my life
Doing nothing
Trying to escape the thoughts in my head

Eventually
Sometime during the restless night
I succumb to my exhaustion
I can't remember my dreams
I don't know why I feel the anxiety in my chest

In my half-asleep state I can hear noise from the living room
People are up now
I need to get up
I have work to do

But I'm so tired
Mentally
Physically
Emotionally
Just a few more minutes

I wake up to someone shaking me
I open my eyes and get my bearings
A voice I can hardly register is telling me I've been in bed too long
It's time to get up
It's time to start another day