I really didn't think this would happen.
I mean we were already having bad days but I didn't expect it to get this far
He texted me "We should talk"
I was already crying before he even sent the message
He said we are better off as friends. To save our relationship because we have been arguing a lot recently
I really tried to stop him. I just couldn't go back to just being friends after being 9 months together
He had to do it the day before out 10 month anniversary.
I really tried to stop him from him just saying "Let's just be friends"
I cried. Really hard. I don't wanna see him for a while
He said he needs to focus on school and himself mentally
I could've done that even if we were in the relationship
But he really wanted to going back to being friends
I was already stress with my mother being home and now this
I only had 2 hours of sleep and I'm not tired at all
I really don't know what to do now
I didn't mind giving him space but the thing that scares me the most is him falling in love with someone else. That is the only thing that scares me. He falls in love very quickly
I was the longest relationship he had. And he was also to me
He was my first everything
He promised he wouldn't leave me. He promised he would always be there when I needed him.
So?
Where is he now? Huh? Where is he now because it feels like my world just fell apart...
I told him about the promise
And he said "I'm sorry life happens"
I said if there was another girl and he got mad "I don't want you jumping to conclusions. I just wanna focus on my school work, me graduating, and my mental health. I can't do that while I'm with someone"
I promised him I would be there when he graduated and he said "And you can be but as a friend"
"I made up my mind. and nothing can change that now" was his final sentence before he cut me off in the middle of mind
I didn't bother calling back.
I loved him. I really did. With everything I had. I don't wanna love anyone else anymore. I don't wanna fall in love anymore
I don't wanna go through that again
I mean we aren't completely through
We are taking a break from our relationship to save it
But everyone knows that when couples go on break most of them don't return
How am I supposed to act now when I see him in public?
My first instinct in going up to him and kissing him
I can't do that now? No I can't because we are just friends now
How can I just go back to just being friends? He was my first everything
I lost my virginity to him because I really didn't think he would leave.
I showed him everything, He knows my entire family and I know his. Now how the fuck am I supposed to act like nothing ever happened.
He was crying on the phone. I don't know if it's because he felt bad or whatever
I literally crying my eyes out because I don't know what else to do
I don't want to snap him. I don't want to talk to him. But I also don't want him to think I don't care about him.
I muted everything about him.
I wanna get back together but he wants space and I will give it to him.
I really don't want him to fall in love with someone else
Now I'm lost and don't know what to do
I don't wanna love anybody else
We talked about how we would grow old. How I would wait for him from when he finishes the military. How I would ask him how his day was, We would sleep in the same bed. How we would shower together all the time. How it would just be us two. Now I have no clue if we would ever be able to do that
It hurts really bad. I'm so lost. it's making my head hurt.
I really love you Noah Sledge. I don't know how you don't see that. I really love you. You promised me you wouldn't leave. Now look at me crying.
I have no idea if you are crying too, or in pain. But I can't be there for you because we aren't together anymore
I dropped his stuff at 8:30 p.m. October 7, 2021
He said he was gonna drop off my stuff the next day. But I don't even wanna see him. It would hurt a lot.
He said we can be friends because I am friends with Jonah.
Yea but here is the difference
I don't love him the way I love you dumbass. I want my future with you.
I really lost all my motivation to do everything
What am I supposed to do when he comes tomorrow to leave my stuff? I don't wanna see him in person. I don't know how I should act. I'm writing everything down because I don't know what to do anymore.
I really love him God. I really do.
I can't sleep anymore. I'm not changing his name on my phone. It's still gonna be Hubby with the kissing and heart emoji. Until we break it off completely then yea it goes back to Noah. But for right now it stays the same because we are on a break. I really hope this is for the best. I really hope our love becomes more strong than before because of this break
I really don't want him falling in love with someone else. That is my main concern, But I will try not to think about it
I don't wanna worry my parents either. So imma have to keep my suffering on the low when I'm alone.
My parents know but I don't want them seeing me all the way down.
I really don't know what to do now. I'm just left here writing this, while crying my eyes out.
God, I really love him. You know I do. Please let this help us both and not affect us. Into being strangers
He already hurt me once in the month of October last year. And it happens to be October again. Wow what in the heck.
I don't wanna post anymore. I don't wanna cry anymore. But only time will heal me.
I will use this time to work on myself. Make a better version of myself
"Noah, don't give up on me. Please you all I have or had. You know everything about me. Please Noah don't give up on me. I really love you. Don't let those 9 month go to waste please also 10. I really love you Noah you have no idea how much it hurts but I respect your decision. Please don't fall in love with someone else. I will be here waiting for you.
Please Noah come back to me please.
....Amen"
Please God let this be better, Please let us be together again. Much better than before please.
Noah I love you.... I am here waiting. Hurting? Yes I am. But it will be better when you return back. Please return to me again...
