Today is the day he drops off my stuff
I really wanna text him to see what time he drops off my stuff but I really don't want to
I don't want to see obsessed
I mean I am but I have to limit myself
I feel really sick just thinking that he will be coming
I get really anxious and that I wanna throw up
I haven't eaten anything so I wouldn't throw anything up
All I know is that I will not know how to act when he appears
I wouldn't see him if I didn't want to ask him a question
But I really wanna know the answer
"Are we just taking a break or are we breaking up?"
That is the question I wanna ask and it's killing me because what if I get an answer I don't want
Will I be feeling more sick? Just thinking about is making me nausuas and sweaty
I don't wanna cry in front of him but I rather have the truth instead of being left in the dark
I don't wanna be waiting and in the end he just wants to break up. I will be broken again
I calm myself from time to time
I really stop myself from looking at his location or snap score
But every time I hear the bass of a car I think it's him and I check his location
I muted everything from him
I really am feeling sick
Seth told me I better talk to him before I regret it but what do I say to him?
I'm the one who pleaded him not to leave. I cried myself out. I didn't sleep at all
I'm really tired and I don't wanna do anything else
But I have to go to the gym at least
Now I have to wait
And I really am stopping myself from texting him. I wont text unless he texts first
Now we just play the waiting game.
I will update when he returns and I will try to record everything on voice memos
Wish me luck! And for his answer to be just "we are just on a break" instead of "we are breaking up"
I will literally break down right in front of him if he says that
(Update: he is coming this weekend but I ain't seeing him)
