Living With Anxiety

Background

Hello! I'm Will, I'm 19 years old and I reside in a college city on the border of South Carolina USA. I've had a ton of traumatic experiences I'm sure most could relate with. Let me give you a little more information.
As a child; I always knew something at home wasn't right. I always knew I wasn't supposed to be sad and crying and screaming because my parents were fighting. I wasn't supposed to go through those feelings and I wasn't meant to. My parents have a dark past. I'm no longer in contact with my biological father due to the ongoing abuse that came with him.
My mom stopped using drugs when she got her CNA License to make us a better life! We left my real dad when I was around 11. It was the best decision my
Mom ever made. She struggled raising my brother and I. Single mom. CNA job, making 11-13$ an hour max. I remember taking care of my little brother for as long as I can remember because my mom worked so much just to keep bills afloat.
Now, to talk about me a little more; I hate being lonely. I can't stand it. Ever since I was 12/13 I hunted for a relationship and someone to actually care about me, I met a ton of Tom Dick and Harry's and none of them were good enough. None of them ever actually gave me what I needed and that hints why it never worked out. When I was a teenager I heavily relied on my friends for my happiness. Family was almost non existent when stepdad came into the picture, mom would always put her relationship before her children.
My best-friend Autumn and I met through a mutual friend at school and we had similar home lives, similar trauma, and shared a ton of the same interest. I had a few other friends such as Brianna one of my mains, Audriana at the time, and Kylee.
By 16 years old I was on Tinder, looking for a relationship when In reality you're supposed to be 18 to be on tinder but there I was. I met this lovely guy named Cesar, a college kid. He had his own car, we were both doing very well in life, both working out, both of us looked in our prime and we were happy. 17 rolls around and I'm moving out of my moms apartment into my own because I was no longer happy coming home everyday. I couldn't be myself. I didn't feel welcomed in my own home. The drama and cleaning etc made things worse because I was never there to make a mess. I ended up dropping out of high school after a long discussion with myself and Cesar because I would never have the points I needed to graduate. I attempted to go back to get my GED and it was a TON of hard work and I wasn't in the right headspace to complete it. I didn't end up going through with it, at this point and time in my life I was super broke, supporting Cesar and Myself with a very bad unreliable vehicle and a new relationship and new bills I had never seen before.

I could put my entire life story in one chapter but what would be the fun in that let me get you over to the next chapter where I'm going to tell you the story of today. And well I guess tomorrow too. I'm going to use this as almost a journal for myself. Anyway, my
favorite color is purple. I really enjoy working on cars. My sign is Pieces, I'm non religious but I grew up going to a baptist church. I REALLY enjoy smoking weed. I also have a vape addiction like most teenagers now days. Onto the next chapter!